The God of Do-Overs

If you have been reading my blog for long, you know that the past several months have been difficult ones for me. One health crisis after another, one seizure after another - it all equals a very weary woman with a heavy heart.

Another issue that I have left out is my sweet Maw-Maw, she is 92, suffers from tongue and jaw cancer and is going down hill very quickly. My heart is broken over the thought of losing her, I know she has lived a full life and loves the Lord but, she is my very last grandparent and it has been hard.

This past weekend we had a big scare with her and are now having to make some hard decisions - life just never seems to get easier. It was a hard weekend on many levels and I came home overwhelmed, upset and angry. On Sunday evening I was beginning to feel a deep caesium between myself and the Lord.

I am sharing these things because I want to be completely honest about my walk with my God- it is not perfect, not even close. I am always learning and praying for the Lord to keep removing the "warts" of this world from my heart.

Monday morning I found it hard to pray and I stayed away from my time in the Word, a time that I treasure each day and I encourage everyone to give daily Bible time to God. But I just could not focus on the things of God, my focus was only inward at this time. I was only thinking of the weekend I had just experienced and my body that is worn and weak from over 8 weeks of non stop seizures. Tuesday and Wednesday were about the same, only now I was having that agonizing emptiness from missing my Best Friend for three days. If you have ever been there, you know what I mean.

Today I got up and prayed, prayed hard. I told the Lord that I thought I needed a do-over for the week. Just to start over with a clean heart that has not been hard or sinful towards my Lord. And God, being God, reminded me that He was in the business of do-overs.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Praise God!! I am so thankful to know the God of do-overs as my Lord and Savior. I certainly did not deserve forgiveness but how blessed I am that God does not have human thinking.

My heart feels whole again and I feel close to the Lord - no more deep void between us, that I created, by the way. I am still heart broken over my grandma and I am certainly still having too many seizures to count but now I am in right relationship with the One Who can give me the peace and strength to face it all. The grace and love of God amazes me and I am so unworthy - thank you Lord.

I don't know where you are today, maybe you are walking strongly with your God and I pray that is the case. But maybe you are like I was at the beginning of this week and you just need a do-over. Let me encourage you that you are never so far from God that He cannot reach down and pull you up. I pray you will ask Him for a holy do-over and I know I will continue to praise Him for mine.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne