The Pit

I have had a new home for the past few months. I haven't liked it very much, not my style at all. It has been cold, unpleasant, uncomfortable and very lonely. It hit me the other day that I have been spending too much time in, we'll call it "The Pit" - over the past few months due to the especially deep valley I find myself these days.

Disability and depression go hand in hand - it is very easy to get down over the difficult situation you are dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I have dealt with this some but not much. Well, that is where I find myself these days, knee deep in the muck and mire of just trying to deal with it all. Never in my 42 years have I had so many medical things thrown at me at one time as I have over the past 2 years - it has been relentless.

My emotions are worn to a frazzle, they have been ripped from me so many times only to be patched back into place with Elmer's glue. It has been a rough road and right now I just don't know if I am coming or going.Over the past few weeks I have seen myself sliding deeper into this pit as if there was no way to stop it - my emotions have been all over the place, crying over anything and everything and let's face it if you're a woman reading this, you've been there!

I have not been in a place like this in quite some time - not since I surrendered to my wheelchair 4 years ago. And I don't like it, I haven't felt this alone in a very long time. Now, I know I am surrounded by a family who loves me and stands by me and by my God who loves me more than I will ever know and has promised to never leave or forsake me - but sometimes when you are fighting a battle day in and day out, it is easy to feel like you are the only one on the front line.

That is where I have been for about two months, but I am happy to say I am slowly (very slowly) coming through to the other side. I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way these past days and He has again reminded me that when I can't get to Him, He will come to me. And He has, over and over. I wish I could say that I was feeling like my old self but the truth is I'm just not there yet.

Through all of this I am thankful for I know God has a plan and purpose that I cannot even perceive and He is faithful even when I am faithless. So for now I will continue to rest in Him and allow Him to teach me what I need to learn from all of this as well as stretch and grow my faith - that is my number one goal anyway so if this is the vehicle the Lord chooses to use to achieve that, then so be it.

Right now, I am looking up from the bottom of this pit and I can see a tiny stream of light coming in along with the Arms of my Father reaching down to pick me up - thank you Lord.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me. And heard my cry; He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay. And set my feet upon a rock; and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth, Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3