I am not sure where the last week and a half have gone, it seems like an eternity since I have written and I have missed it. I have had a hard time keeping up with my normal routine lately due to some side effects I have been having from a seizure medicine I am trying.
This latest chapter all began back in April when Stephen and I decided that it might be a good idea to explore some of the meds I have already tried - I have been on everything (some things a few times) and there is nothing new for now. We thought some of the drugs I tried in the past may be worth re-visiting again, you never know how a medicine may work a second or third time around. So, on April 14th I began a medication that I was on about 10 years ago.
The outcome for my seizure activity has been very good and I give all the praise and glory to my Jesus, who holds my heart and my hand on this long journey each day. There are, however, two very difficult side effects that I am struggling with daily. The first being severe and often debilitating nausea. There is just no other way to put it, it has been horrible. I am sick most of the time and just praying my way through my day - God has been very good to remind me that when I am weak, He is strong.
The second of the side effects is a very powerful appetite suppressant. I am just really never hungry and have already lost 10 pounds (not complaining about that) but just feeling sick and not eating for three months takes a toll on a body.
We are believing God for the side effects to completely subside so that I will be able to increase the dosage of the medicine and for a continued increase in seizure free days. I am asking you, my sweet friends and readers to believe and pray with us. I can't even remember the last time I had this many seizure free days and my heart leaps for joy to think it could increase.
I also covet your prayers over my emotions. It is easy for me to become frustrated in times when I never feel well and I am just riding this roller coaster over and over again. But, I stand against frustration and doubt, knowing that nothing comes to me (or any of us) without first being filtered through the Father's Hand. I choose to be content in all of the difficult times and lean harder on the Lord - He is enough.
Thank you for lifting me before the Father. I am standing on Psalm 62:1-2 "Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense, I shall not be greatly be moved." Thank you for standing with me!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Everyday Life
I have heard one question quite a bit the last several years, "How do you function everyday?" People are always very curious how someone who has almost daily seizures does "the little things... the routine things."
I thought I would take this opportunity to share a little bit of how my day goes, how I get things done and the way in which I do some of the things of everyday life.
My day starts probably a lot like yours, just wanting five more minutes of precious sleep! Stephen gets up first, which allows me about two or three minutes to pray. I take this time because I know the day will be a challenge and sometimes I think. "O Lord another day! How will I make it through? More seizures, more limitations, more side effects from new seizure meds I am trying - God give me the strength." He always does and He also reminds me that I am not in this alone. I wait for Stephen to help me out of bed, we have a bed that is high and requires steps to get in and out of, something I obviously cannot do alone, due to seizures and safety. I cannot remember the last time I climbed in or out of bed by myself.
Stephen sticks pretty close by me while we do our morning routine - in the blink of an eye I have been known to hit the floor and that would be a tough way to begin the day.
A few years ago I started dressing in the closet, sitting on the floor. This is safer and makes it easier for Stephen in case he cannot stand right there - safety first at our house!
My wheelchair helps me to do the housework I am still able to do and I enjoy it very much. I think out of all the things I miss doing, I miss housework the most. I know most of you women are gritting your teeth but, you never know how much you will miss something until you can't do it any longer.
Two years ago Stephen bought me a catcher's mask, I use it when I go from wheelchair to couch or chair - or wherever I need to go. Not a fashion statement I would have chosen myself but it is better than losing my front teeth... again. I never walk anywhere alone, if I need to get somewhere my wheelchair cannot take me, I crawl. And believe me, my 42 year old knees have got the permanent scars to prove it - you will never catch ME in shorts!
Most of my trips to the little girls' room are accompanied by my wonderful husband who never seems to get tired of hearing, "Stephen, I need to go to the bathroom!" But for the times when he is not here I use my trusty helmet. I must say I really don't like using it at all. It is ugly, heavy and it gives me just the slightest bit of claustrophobia! But I will continue to use it for the sake of my face and my teeth but I think it will forever be a love/hate thing between me and my "friend."
Cooking has been very tough for me for a very long time and through the years it has only gotten worse. I do not use the stove by myself - you can probably guess why but if you need some help, let's just say a seizure patient with her head in the oven is never a pretty sight. I can no longer use the microwave because, number one: ours is up high and I can't reach from my wheelchair and number two: it is never wise for someone with seizures to handle hot things - hence the reasoning behind the oven use or lack thereof! I also never handle anything sharp, so, anything that needs chopping has to be done by the men in the house. So, it is safe to say, we eat out a lot.
About nine months ago we came to the conclusion that I needed to stop using the flat iron on my hair - again just too dangerous. So, just as he has so many times before, my amazing husband stepped up to the plate and now does my hair for me. This was another one of those things that was hard to let go, we women like to do our hair and primp in the mirror. I am just thankful for the servant heart Stephen has and how the Lord has used it to bless and encourage me over the years. And I must say I think he does a better job with my hair than I did!
Through all of these adjustments, transitions and even losses God has remained faithful. He has showed me time and time again that His grace is sufficient and He will carry me through another day. I have learned something so vital through all the trials. That is, if my days were not so trying, I would not be able to see the goodness and all sufficient power of the Living God.
There is a song that I really like by Ayiesha Woods called, "Days" - the chorus does a better job of expressing what I have been saying and goes like this:
"Don't you wish that every day was an easy day? And there was nothing that you couldn't do. But if every day was an easy day, you'd never be able to say that Jesus brought you through."
Thank you Lord for bringing me through all of the days, both easy, and not so easy.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"This is the day the Lord made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
I thought I would take this opportunity to share a little bit of how my day goes, how I get things done and the way in which I do some of the things of everyday life.
My day starts probably a lot like yours, just wanting five more minutes of precious sleep! Stephen gets up first, which allows me about two or three minutes to pray. I take this time because I know the day will be a challenge and sometimes I think. "O Lord another day! How will I make it through? More seizures, more limitations, more side effects from new seizure meds I am trying - God give me the strength." He always does and He also reminds me that I am not in this alone. I wait for Stephen to help me out of bed, we have a bed that is high and requires steps to get in and out of, something I obviously cannot do alone, due to seizures and safety. I cannot remember the last time I climbed in or out of bed by myself.
Stephen sticks pretty close by me while we do our morning routine - in the blink of an eye I have been known to hit the floor and that would be a tough way to begin the day.
A few years ago I started dressing in the closet, sitting on the floor. This is safer and makes it easier for Stephen in case he cannot stand right there - safety first at our house!
My wheelchair helps me to do the housework I am still able to do and I enjoy it very much. I think out of all the things I miss doing, I miss housework the most. I know most of you women are gritting your teeth but, you never know how much you will miss something until you can't do it any longer.
Two years ago Stephen bought me a catcher's mask, I use it when I go from wheelchair to couch or chair - or wherever I need to go. Not a fashion statement I would have chosen myself but it is better than losing my front teeth... again. I never walk anywhere alone, if I need to get somewhere my wheelchair cannot take me, I crawl. And believe me, my 42 year old knees have got the permanent scars to prove it - you will never catch ME in shorts!
Most of my trips to the little girls' room are accompanied by my wonderful husband who never seems to get tired of hearing, "Stephen, I need to go to the bathroom!" But for the times when he is not here I use my trusty helmet. I must say I really don't like using it at all. It is ugly, heavy and it gives me just the slightest bit of claustrophobia! But I will continue to use it for the sake of my face and my teeth but I think it will forever be a love/hate thing between me and my "friend."
Cooking has been very tough for me for a very long time and through the years it has only gotten worse. I do not use the stove by myself - you can probably guess why but if you need some help, let's just say a seizure patient with her head in the oven is never a pretty sight. I can no longer use the microwave because, number one: ours is up high and I can't reach from my wheelchair and number two: it is never wise for someone with seizures to handle hot things - hence the reasoning behind the oven use or lack thereof! I also never handle anything sharp, so, anything that needs chopping has to be done by the men in the house. So, it is safe to say, we eat out a lot.
About nine months ago we came to the conclusion that I needed to stop using the flat iron on my hair - again just too dangerous. So, just as he has so many times before, my amazing husband stepped up to the plate and now does my hair for me. This was another one of those things that was hard to let go, we women like to do our hair and primp in the mirror. I am just thankful for the servant heart Stephen has and how the Lord has used it to bless and encourage me over the years. And I must say I think he does a better job with my hair than I did!
Through all of these adjustments, transitions and even losses God has remained faithful. He has showed me time and time again that His grace is sufficient and He will carry me through another day. I have learned something so vital through all the trials. That is, if my days were not so trying, I would not be able to see the goodness and all sufficient power of the Living God.
There is a song that I really like by Ayiesha Woods called, "Days" - the chorus does a better job of expressing what I have been saying and goes like this:
"Don't you wish that every day was an easy day? And there was nothing that you couldn't do. But if every day was an easy day, you'd never be able to say that Jesus brought you through."
Thank you Lord for bringing me through all of the days, both easy, and not so easy.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"This is the day the Lord made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Good-Bye Sixth Grade and Hello Summer...
Last Thursday was a great day in our house and if you are a parent you can appreciate what I am about to say - it was the last day of school!!! For Josh it was the last day of sixth grade, he attends a wonderful Christian, Classical school here in Spring and we absolutely love it. The sixth grade is still a part of the Grammar school so next year he we be a part of the Upper School - which is the middle and high school combined. We are in the BIG league now!! I have no idea how the time has gone so quickly and it was a little bitter-sweet for me as a Mom to say good-bye to sixth grade (even though we will not be changing schools or anything) it is the little things that will change. But, life goes on and they must grow up...
I am very excited to see the summer arrive - I think I may be more excited than Josh! It has been a tough year for me and this tired, old mom is ready for a break - so I am thankful to say, no more school until September 7th.
I am looking forward to the lazy days of summer. Sleeping in, a steady stream of boys in my house for 3 months, spending time with my mom while Stephen and Josh are at church camp, playing board games with Josh and watching "I Love Lucy", reading my very favorite book, "To Kill A mockingbird", as I do every summer, taking our family vacation to Branson Mo., no schedules or routines - and did I mention sleeping in?! That might be the best part!
I praise God for this sixth grade year and how He has worked in Josh's life and heart - I know he continues to grow spiritually as well as academically and we are beyond thankful for what the Lord is doing in his young life. Seventh grade will be here before we know it and I give it to the Lord, knowing He is in control of each day - I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds!
But in the meantime, I am going to enjoy this summer and time with my son. God is good to give us every minute and I will treasure them all.
Rejoicing in Hope in the Summertime,
Roxanne
I am very excited to see the summer arrive - I think I may be more excited than Josh! It has been a tough year for me and this tired, old mom is ready for a break - so I am thankful to say, no more school until September 7th.
I am looking forward to the lazy days of summer. Sleeping in, a steady stream of boys in my house for 3 months, spending time with my mom while Stephen and Josh are at church camp, playing board games with Josh and watching "I Love Lucy", reading my very favorite book, "To Kill A mockingbird", as I do every summer, taking our family vacation to Branson Mo., no schedules or routines - and did I mention sleeping in?! That might be the best part!
I praise God for this sixth grade year and how He has worked in Josh's life and heart - I know he continues to grow spiritually as well as academically and we are beyond thankful for what the Lord is doing in his young life. Seventh grade will be here before we know it and I give it to the Lord, knowing He is in control of each day - I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds!
But in the meantime, I am going to enjoy this summer and time with my son. God is good to give us every minute and I will treasure them all.
Rejoicing in Hope in the Summertime,
Roxanne
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I will Stand
I have learned a valuable lesson over the past few days, well, I guess I should say I have re-learned. This is something that believers learn from day one of becoming a Christ follower - we have an Enemy.
The Bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; your adversary, the devil, walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour." 1 Peter 5:8
The past few months of physical and emotional tailspin I have been living in have allowed me to forget that because I am a Christian I walk around each day with a target on my back and Satan will always strike where you are the weakest.
He has taken the opportunity, mostly because I have given it to him, to shoot off fiery darts at my weakened state of emotions only to weaken them more. I had forgotten that I am in a daily battle for my spiritual life and Satan will stop at nothing to pull me under the tide of doubt and hopelessness.
Over the past few days the Lord has taken me by the shoulders and reminded me of who I am. I am a Child of the King, a Daughter of the Most High God and Satan is a defeated foe - he has no power over me simply because the God of the Universe resides inside my heart and life. Hallelujah!! I needed to hear that so badly and maybe you do too. I needed for God to remind of who I am in Him and that I can and will stand firm in His power - no matter how high the water or how deep the valley!
I have been focused on the Armor of God found in Eph. 6 - my Sunday school class has been studying this passage for the last few weeks and God has really used it to open my eyes about who I am fighting each day.
"Finally, my brethren be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Eph. 6:10-12
So, please learn from me, if you are going through a trial or even if life is being good to you, put on the whole armor of God and fight. Stand firm on the promises of the Lord. Remember, as I have had to, that you do indeed have an enemy but God has not left you powerless. All the power you need is in Jesus. Cling to Him, stay in His Word, allow Him to teach you and stretch your faith - even through those tough times, after all, that's how we most see the power of God demonstrated anyway.
I would like to thank my special circle of friends that I called on to stand with me in prayer, Heather, Melissa, Keri, Casey and Cathleen. You are precious friends and I thank you for lifting me up in prayer when I needed you the most. And my mother, who I love so much, thanks for always listening to me and praying for me - you are a blessing.
As far as my home, "the pit" goes, I am overjoyed to say it was only temporary! The Lord has pulled me from that awful place - I have some dirt under my fingernails from clawing around in there but I am looking into the Face of my Father knowing that He has rescued me once again!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!" Lam. 3:21-24
The Bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; your adversary, the devil, walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour." 1 Peter 5:8
The past few months of physical and emotional tailspin I have been living in have allowed me to forget that because I am a Christian I walk around each day with a target on my back and Satan will always strike where you are the weakest.
He has taken the opportunity, mostly because I have given it to him, to shoot off fiery darts at my weakened state of emotions only to weaken them more. I had forgotten that I am in a daily battle for my spiritual life and Satan will stop at nothing to pull me under the tide of doubt and hopelessness.
Over the past few days the Lord has taken me by the shoulders and reminded me of who I am. I am a Child of the King, a Daughter of the Most High God and Satan is a defeated foe - he has no power over me simply because the God of the Universe resides inside my heart and life. Hallelujah!! I needed to hear that so badly and maybe you do too. I needed for God to remind of who I am in Him and that I can and will stand firm in His power - no matter how high the water or how deep the valley!
I have been focused on the Armor of God found in Eph. 6 - my Sunday school class has been studying this passage for the last few weeks and God has really used it to open my eyes about who I am fighting each day.
"Finally, my brethren be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Eph. 6:10-12
So, please learn from me, if you are going through a trial or even if life is being good to you, put on the whole armor of God and fight. Stand firm on the promises of the Lord. Remember, as I have had to, that you do indeed have an enemy but God has not left you powerless. All the power you need is in Jesus. Cling to Him, stay in His Word, allow Him to teach you and stretch your faith - even through those tough times, after all, that's how we most see the power of God demonstrated anyway.
I would like to thank my special circle of friends that I called on to stand with me in prayer, Heather, Melissa, Keri, Casey and Cathleen. You are precious friends and I thank you for lifting me up in prayer when I needed you the most. And my mother, who I love so much, thanks for always listening to me and praying for me - you are a blessing.
As far as my home, "the pit" goes, I am overjoyed to say it was only temporary! The Lord has pulled me from that awful place - I have some dirt under my fingernails from clawing around in there but I am looking into the Face of my Father knowing that He has rescued me once again!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!" Lam. 3:21-24
Thursday, May 20, 2010
The Days of Old
God is so good - that seems so simple and obvious to say and yet as believers we all say it. God is of course so good and has moved through our lives in countless ways - sometimes all we can come up with in our very limited way of thinking and speaking is, "God is good."
I have been almost living in the Book of Psalms lately. Those of you who know me, know that it is one of my very favorites and it is also a balm to my soul - to all of our souls. The words wash over me as if they have been taken from my own life - I love how the Lord knew I would need that, how we all would need that.
The past few weeks He has used Psalm 77 to wash over my soul time and time again and so today I thought I would share it with you (parts of it anyway) - I pray that you are encouraged and filled with the hope the only God can give as you go through your day, your mountaintop, your valley or wherever God may have you.
Psalm 77
I cried out to God with my voice - to God with my voice; in the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; my hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing; my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God and was troubled; I complained and was overwhelmed.. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart and my soul makes diligent search...
And I said, "This is my anguish; but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work and talk of all Your deeds."
I have been prompted by the Lord to go back over my life and meditate on how He has worked and all the times He has been there and touched my life as only God can do - and remember that yes, he is very good. I have been doing this for some time now but this time I wanted to include it in the blog and maybe encourage you to look in your own life and thank Him for all those times when He has been so faithful...
So, Lord I thank you for walking with me every step of the way even when I didn't know you were there...
When Mama carried me so long ago and there were problems no one could have ever dreamed of ... You were there working.
When I knelt beside my bed in 1982 and gave my heart and life to you... You took my heart and have held it so tightly each day since then.
For allowing me to meet Stephen in High school and ordain our love and relationship at such an early age... God you have worked through Stephen in so many ways to teach me, grow me and lead me closer to you.
For allowing me 7 seizure free years in the beginning of our marriage... Lord how awesome you are to allow me that time.
For August 26th, 1996 when we found out we were going to have a baby... what a precious gift from You Lord, the gift of Motherhood is always so sweet but for a person with such severe disabilities, I am still overwhelmed.
For walking through a hard but rewarding pregnancy with me Lord, every week of getting my blood levels checked, not knowing how long my veins would last and the peace that You provided through it all - God You are faithful.
May 2, 1997 - our Joshua entered this world and You led me through it every step of the way, never taking Your hand from me.
Lord, I praise You and thank you for each time that I have fallen during a seizure - too many to count, my face bruised beyond recognition and my teeth knocked out 3 different times, countless stitches and trips to the ER - through it all I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way and You have used these horrible times to draw me unto Yourself.
Lord I praise You when you have wrapped Your hands around my heart when friends may be talking on one side of the room and I can't get up to join them - You are always so wonderful to remind me that this is not the most important thing, and you comfort my heart in the process.
The joy of our first home... You were there to remind me that all praise goes to you.
The fun, love and memories of our family vacations - Your mighty hand has led and guided us through each one and reminded me that it is only by your grace.
The fact that I have have had 2-3 seizures as I have typed this and yet the Lord has helped me through it... I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God - thank you Lord for helping me finish what is so important to me and what I hope brings You glory.
I could really go on and on, these are just some of the amazing things God has done in my life that have allowed me to say... "God is good". It is a joy to focus on those days of old and think about all the ways He has worked and all the things He has yet to do. So, as I come to a close, what about you? How will you "remember the wonders of old" that only God can do?
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"We give thanks to You, O, God, we give thanks! For Your wondrous works declare that Your name is near." Psalm 75:1
I have been almost living in the Book of Psalms lately. Those of you who know me, know that it is one of my very favorites and it is also a balm to my soul - to all of our souls. The words wash over me as if they have been taken from my own life - I love how the Lord knew I would need that, how we all would need that.
The past few weeks He has used Psalm 77 to wash over my soul time and time again and so today I thought I would share it with you (parts of it anyway) - I pray that you are encouraged and filled with the hope the only God can give as you go through your day, your mountaintop, your valley or wherever God may have you.
Psalm 77
I cried out to God with my voice - to God with my voice; in the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; my hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing; my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God and was troubled; I complained and was overwhelmed.. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart and my soul makes diligent search...
And I said, "This is my anguish; but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work and talk of all Your deeds."
I have been prompted by the Lord to go back over my life and meditate on how He has worked and all the times He has been there and touched my life as only God can do - and remember that yes, he is very good. I have been doing this for some time now but this time I wanted to include it in the blog and maybe encourage you to look in your own life and thank Him for all those times when He has been so faithful...
So, Lord I thank you for walking with me every step of the way even when I didn't know you were there...
When Mama carried me so long ago and there were problems no one could have ever dreamed of ... You were there working.
When I knelt beside my bed in 1982 and gave my heart and life to you... You took my heart and have held it so tightly each day since then.
For allowing me to meet Stephen in High school and ordain our love and relationship at such an early age... God you have worked through Stephen in so many ways to teach me, grow me and lead me closer to you.
For allowing me 7 seizure free years in the beginning of our marriage... Lord how awesome you are to allow me that time.
For August 26th, 1996 when we found out we were going to have a baby... what a precious gift from You Lord, the gift of Motherhood is always so sweet but for a person with such severe disabilities, I am still overwhelmed.
For walking through a hard but rewarding pregnancy with me Lord, every week of getting my blood levels checked, not knowing how long my veins would last and the peace that You provided through it all - God You are faithful.
May 2, 1997 - our Joshua entered this world and You led me through it every step of the way, never taking Your hand from me.
Lord, I praise You and thank you for each time that I have fallen during a seizure - too many to count, my face bruised beyond recognition and my teeth knocked out 3 different times, countless stitches and trips to the ER - through it all I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way and You have used these horrible times to draw me unto Yourself.
Lord I praise You when you have wrapped Your hands around my heart when friends may be talking on one side of the room and I can't get up to join them - You are always so wonderful to remind me that this is not the most important thing, and you comfort my heart in the process.
The joy of our first home... You were there to remind me that all praise goes to you.
The fun, love and memories of our family vacations - Your mighty hand has led and guided us through each one and reminded me that it is only by your grace.
The fact that I have have had 2-3 seizures as I have typed this and yet the Lord has helped me through it... I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God - thank you Lord for helping me finish what is so important to me and what I hope brings You glory.
I could really go on and on, these are just some of the amazing things God has done in my life that have allowed me to say... "God is good". It is a joy to focus on those days of old and think about all the ways He has worked and all the things He has yet to do. So, as I come to a close, what about you? How will you "remember the wonders of old" that only God can do?
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"We give thanks to You, O, God, we give thanks! For Your wondrous works declare that Your name is near." Psalm 75:1
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Pit
I have had a new home for the past few months. I haven't liked it very much, not my style at all. It has been cold, unpleasant, uncomfortable and very lonely. It hit me the other day that I have been spending too much time in, we'll call it "The Pit" - over the past few months due to the especially deep valley I find myself these days.
Disability and depression go hand in hand - it is very easy to get down over the difficult situation you are dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I have dealt with this some but not much. Well, that is where I find myself these days, knee deep in the muck and mire of just trying to deal with it all. Never in my 42 years have I had so many medical things thrown at me at one time as I have over the past 2 years - it has been relentless.
My emotions are worn to a frazzle, they have been ripped from me so many times only to be patched back into place with Elmer's glue. It has been a rough road and right now I just don't know if I am coming or going.Over the past few weeks I have seen myself sliding deeper into this pit as if there was no way to stop it - my emotions have been all over the place, crying over anything and everything and let's face it if you're a woman reading this, you've been there!
I have not been in a place like this in quite some time - not since I surrendered to my wheelchair 4 years ago. And I don't like it, I haven't felt this alone in a very long time. Now, I know I am surrounded by a family who loves me and stands by me and by my God who loves me more than I will ever know and has promised to never leave or forsake me - but sometimes when you are fighting a battle day in and day out, it is easy to feel like you are the only one on the front line.
That is where I have been for about two months, but I am happy to say I am slowly (very slowly) coming through to the other side. I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way these past days and He has again reminded me that when I can't get to Him, He will come to me. And He has, over and over. I wish I could say that I was feeling like my old self but the truth is I'm just not there yet.
Through all of this I am thankful for I know God has a plan and purpose that I cannot even perceive and He is faithful even when I am faithless. So for now I will continue to rest in Him and allow Him to teach me what I need to learn from all of this as well as stretch and grow my faith - that is my number one goal anyway so if this is the vehicle the Lord chooses to use to achieve that, then so be it.
Right now, I am looking up from the bottom of this pit and I can see a tiny stream of light coming in along with the Arms of my Father reaching down to pick me up - thank you Lord.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me. And heard my cry; He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay. And set my feet upon a rock; and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth, Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3
Disability and depression go hand in hand - it is very easy to get down over the difficult situation you are dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I have dealt with this some but not much. Well, that is where I find myself these days, knee deep in the muck and mire of just trying to deal with it all. Never in my 42 years have I had so many medical things thrown at me at one time as I have over the past 2 years - it has been relentless.
My emotions are worn to a frazzle, they have been ripped from me so many times only to be patched back into place with Elmer's glue. It has been a rough road and right now I just don't know if I am coming or going.Over the past few weeks I have seen myself sliding deeper into this pit as if there was no way to stop it - my emotions have been all over the place, crying over anything and everything and let's face it if you're a woman reading this, you've been there!
I have not been in a place like this in quite some time - not since I surrendered to my wheelchair 4 years ago. And I don't like it, I haven't felt this alone in a very long time. Now, I know I am surrounded by a family who loves me and stands by me and by my God who loves me more than I will ever know and has promised to never leave or forsake me - but sometimes when you are fighting a battle day in and day out, it is easy to feel like you are the only one on the front line.
That is where I have been for about two months, but I am happy to say I am slowly (very slowly) coming through to the other side. I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way these past days and He has again reminded me that when I can't get to Him, He will come to me. And He has, over and over. I wish I could say that I was feeling like my old self but the truth is I'm just not there yet.
Through all of this I am thankful for I know God has a plan and purpose that I cannot even perceive and He is faithful even when I am faithless. So for now I will continue to rest in Him and allow Him to teach me what I need to learn from all of this as well as stretch and grow my faith - that is my number one goal anyway so if this is the vehicle the Lord chooses to use to achieve that, then so be it.
Right now, I am looking up from the bottom of this pit and I can see a tiny stream of light coming in along with the Arms of my Father reaching down to pick me up - thank you Lord.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me. And heard my cry; He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay. And set my feet upon a rock; and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth, Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3
Monday, May 3, 2010
Thirteen
Yesterday was a big day in the Broussard house, our only child, Joshua, turned 13! We can hardly believe how the years have flown by.
Diapers, bottles, bouncy seats, ear infections, teething, Veggie Tales, Bible Man, "blankies", first steps, Kindergarten, friends, birthday parties, sleepovers, Christmases, first cell phone, growth spurts, "peach fuzz" on the lip and all the countless other things that have been packaged into the last thirteen years. So many memories...
And yet all I am able to do is think of how it all began. Stephen and I and were so unsure about getting pregnant with all my health issues, we were thinking of adopting for a long time but it just never seemed like the way God wanted us to go.
I was at Precept Bible study one Thursday morning and our teacher,Betty Miller, a wonderful woman of God who has gone Home to be with the Lord, began to talk about a recent trip to the doctor with her three year old son, Luke. She described a man with a hook for an arm who came into the office and Luke went right up to the man and asked if he had ever asked Jesus to heal him. Well, I'm sure the rest of the story was just as great but at that point I stopped listening only to hear the Lord speak to my heart and say, "Roxanne, have you ever asked Me to give you a healthy baby and a safe pregnancy?" Well, in all honesty, no I hadn't.
My life and heart were changed that day, I knew that God had spoken and I was to be obedient. After talking with Stephen and much prayer and seeking the Lord, we began to try to conceive.
August 26th, 1996 we found out we were going to have a precious life and we were both so excited we hardly knew what to do with ourselves! My doctor visit a few days later was great, we were blessed to find out the baby was due in early May.
At one of our earlier exams my doctor said some very shocking words to us, "If things don't look right to us, due to your medical problems, we can help you with that if you don't want to go any further." We couldn't even believe the suggestion was brought up! "Doctor, this is our baby and whatever the outcome, he/she is a gift from God. We will love this baby no matter what." It was never mentioned again.
On May 2nd, 1997 Joshua Aaron Broussard came into this world and our lives have never been the same since. He is truly our miracle and we are blessed every day to have him. We have no idea what to expect from the teenage years, we just give them and our Josh to the Lord each day and pray that God will continue to work in his heart just as He has for the first twelve.
I am so thankful that I obeyed the Lord so long ago, the blessings have been countless. Joshua is a miracle to us for sure, when I stop to think of the severity of my disabilities and the likelihood of pregnancy and a healthy child it makes me cry every time - only the God of the Universe can do such miraculous things. Joshua will be our only child but we are honored to have him - he has blessed our lives more than he will ever know. I will forever praise my God for allowing me the honor and joy of experiencing Motherhood - it has been such a thrill and it can only get better!!
Happy Birthday Josh - I love you!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Longings...
For several weeks now my mind and heart have been filled with memories and thoughts of my childhood. I am sure my thinking has been steered this way due to the struggle we are having with Maw-Maw and so for days now I have found myself in a "different place."
I have always been very blessed to be close to both sets of my Grandparents, they are very different and I guess that is what makes the memories so wonderful and fun. I had two very unique experiences growing up, on the one hand I had the Italian experience complete with big family and great food and on the other I had the country experience complete with "down home" living and tender hearted people.
My mind has recently drifted back to those days when I would visit the little white frame house of my Grandma and Grandpa Kilgore and the wonderful smell of Downy would be the first thing to meet you at the door - my Grandma Kilgore is the only one I know who could do 15 loads of laundry in a day and still have time to go fishing. I can remember the days lazy of summer on their farm in Apple Springs Texas and we would all pile up in the back of my Grandpa's red Ford truck to go pick tomatoes and beans from the garden that was his pride and joy. The little bottle Cokes that we took with us would drip ice cold all the way there and what a thrill it was to dab that freezing bottle all over our hot, hot faces. We would end those sweltering days by eating ice cream on the front porch and waiting for the stars to blanket us at night - my grandma would always wish upon a star. Oh, how I long for those days again... and I sure miss my Grandma and Grandpa.
My memories are different but just as wonderful and special at my Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw Sedita's house. This time, standing at her front door, the first thing to greet you is the smell of pasta gravy. How many times I stood at that door just knowing it wouldn't be too much longer before we could eat some of that wonderful food - nobody cooks like Maw-Maw. And eat, we did, every Sunday when I was growing up, we all went over for our Sunday meal, a houseful of us, talking loud and eating, like Italians do. My cousin Gina and I loved to watch the Miss America Pageant with Maw-Maw - it was an annual event at her house and we would stay up late, laugh and eat chips and onion dip. Oh, how I long for those days... and I sure will miss my Maw-Maw when its time for her to go.
These have been the longings of my heart lately - just lost in the memories I guess. All of these longings led me to another great longing that - believe it or not - outweighs all of these. My desire to set my feet on the streets of Heaven and look into the eyes of my Savior.
My heart skips a beat each time I think of the day when I will be able to walk - no wheelchair in sight - alongside of the One who gave it all for me to live. The thought is overwhelming, to fall at the feet of Jesus and worship - is there anything that compares? To raise my voice, along with every angel in Heaven, in praise and adoration of King Jesus - I can hardly type the words!
Then just as icing on the cake, Jesus will say, "You are healed, you have no need for that wheelchair here. And seizures, they do not exist." Praise God - I can't wait for the day! How about you?
The thought of Heaven is the deepest longing of my heart and I praise God that one day I will not only stand before my God but I will be able to sit down with all my precious Grandparents again and talk about all those special memories that I have hidden in my heart for so long. Just makes me smile thinking of the day...
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
I have always been very blessed to be close to both sets of my Grandparents, they are very different and I guess that is what makes the memories so wonderful and fun. I had two very unique experiences growing up, on the one hand I had the Italian experience complete with big family and great food and on the other I had the country experience complete with "down home" living and tender hearted people.
My mind has recently drifted back to those days when I would visit the little white frame house of my Grandma and Grandpa Kilgore and the wonderful smell of Downy would be the first thing to meet you at the door - my Grandma Kilgore is the only one I know who could do 15 loads of laundry in a day and still have time to go fishing. I can remember the days lazy of summer on their farm in Apple Springs Texas and we would all pile up in the back of my Grandpa's red Ford truck to go pick tomatoes and beans from the garden that was his pride and joy. The little bottle Cokes that we took with us would drip ice cold all the way there and what a thrill it was to dab that freezing bottle all over our hot, hot faces. We would end those sweltering days by eating ice cream on the front porch and waiting for the stars to blanket us at night - my grandma would always wish upon a star. Oh, how I long for those days again... and I sure miss my Grandma and Grandpa.
My memories are different but just as wonderful and special at my Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw Sedita's house. This time, standing at her front door, the first thing to greet you is the smell of pasta gravy. How many times I stood at that door just knowing it wouldn't be too much longer before we could eat some of that wonderful food - nobody cooks like Maw-Maw. And eat, we did, every Sunday when I was growing up, we all went over for our Sunday meal, a houseful of us, talking loud and eating, like Italians do. My cousin Gina and I loved to watch the Miss America Pageant with Maw-Maw - it was an annual event at her house and we would stay up late, laugh and eat chips and onion dip. Oh, how I long for those days... and I sure will miss my Maw-Maw when its time for her to go.
These have been the longings of my heart lately - just lost in the memories I guess. All of these longings led me to another great longing that - believe it or not - outweighs all of these. My desire to set my feet on the streets of Heaven and look into the eyes of my Savior.
My heart skips a beat each time I think of the day when I will be able to walk - no wheelchair in sight - alongside of the One who gave it all for me to live. The thought is overwhelming, to fall at the feet of Jesus and worship - is there anything that compares? To raise my voice, along with every angel in Heaven, in praise and adoration of King Jesus - I can hardly type the words!
Then just as icing on the cake, Jesus will say, "You are healed, you have no need for that wheelchair here. And seizures, they do not exist." Praise God - I can't wait for the day! How about you?
The thought of Heaven is the deepest longing of my heart and I praise God that one day I will not only stand before my God but I will be able to sit down with all my precious Grandparents again and talk about all those special memories that I have hidden in my heart for so long. Just makes me smile thinking of the day...
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Thursday, April 15, 2010
The God of Do-Overs
If you have been reading my blog for long, you know that the past several months have been difficult ones for me. One health crisis after another, one seizure after another - it all equals a very weary woman with a heavy heart.
Another issue that I have left out is my sweet Maw-Maw, she is 92, suffers from tongue and jaw cancer and is going down hill very quickly. My heart is broken over the thought of losing her, I know she has lived a full life and loves the Lord but, she is my very last grandparent and it has been hard.
This past weekend we had a big scare with her and are now having to make some hard decisions - life just never seems to get easier. It was a hard weekend on many levels and I came home overwhelmed, upset and angry. On Sunday evening I was beginning to feel a deep caesium between myself and the Lord.
I am sharing these things because I want to be completely honest about my walk with my God- it is not perfect, not even close. I am always learning and praying for the Lord to keep removing the "warts" of this world from my heart.
Monday morning I found it hard to pray and I stayed away from my time in the Word, a time that I treasure each day and I encourage everyone to give daily Bible time to God. But I just could not focus on the things of God, my focus was only inward at this time. I was only thinking of the weekend I had just experienced and my body that is worn and weak from over 8 weeks of non stop seizures. Tuesday and Wednesday were about the same, only now I was having that agonizing emptiness from missing my Best Friend for three days. If you have ever been there, you know what I mean.
Today I got up and prayed, prayed hard. I told the Lord that I thought I needed a do-over for the week. Just to start over with a clean heart that has not been hard or sinful towards my Lord. And God, being God, reminded me that He was in the business of do-overs.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Praise God!! I am so thankful to know the God of do-overs as my Lord and Savior. I certainly did not deserve forgiveness but how blessed I am that God does not have human thinking.
My heart feels whole again and I feel close to the Lord - no more deep void between us, that I created, by the way. I am still heart broken over my grandma and I am certainly still having too many seizures to count but now I am in right relationship with the One Who can give me the peace and strength to face it all. The grace and love of God amazes me and I am so unworthy - thank you Lord.
I don't know where you are today, maybe you are walking strongly with your God and I pray that is the case. But maybe you are like I was at the beginning of this week and you just need a do-over. Let me encourage you that you are never so far from God that He cannot reach down and pull you up. I pray you will ask Him for a holy do-over and I know I will continue to praise Him for mine.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Another issue that I have left out is my sweet Maw-Maw, she is 92, suffers from tongue and jaw cancer and is going down hill very quickly. My heart is broken over the thought of losing her, I know she has lived a full life and loves the Lord but, she is my very last grandparent and it has been hard.
This past weekend we had a big scare with her and are now having to make some hard decisions - life just never seems to get easier. It was a hard weekend on many levels and I came home overwhelmed, upset and angry. On Sunday evening I was beginning to feel a deep caesium between myself and the Lord.
I am sharing these things because I want to be completely honest about my walk with my God- it is not perfect, not even close. I am always learning and praying for the Lord to keep removing the "warts" of this world from my heart.
Monday morning I found it hard to pray and I stayed away from my time in the Word, a time that I treasure each day and I encourage everyone to give daily Bible time to God. But I just could not focus on the things of God, my focus was only inward at this time. I was only thinking of the weekend I had just experienced and my body that is worn and weak from over 8 weeks of non stop seizures. Tuesday and Wednesday were about the same, only now I was having that agonizing emptiness from missing my Best Friend for three days. If you have ever been there, you know what I mean.
Today I got up and prayed, prayed hard. I told the Lord that I thought I needed a do-over for the week. Just to start over with a clean heart that has not been hard or sinful towards my Lord. And God, being God, reminded me that He was in the business of do-overs.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Praise God!! I am so thankful to know the God of do-overs as my Lord and Savior. I certainly did not deserve forgiveness but how blessed I am that God does not have human thinking.
My heart feels whole again and I feel close to the Lord - no more deep void between us, that I created, by the way. I am still heart broken over my grandma and I am certainly still having too many seizures to count but now I am in right relationship with the One Who can give me the peace and strength to face it all. The grace and love of God amazes me and I am so unworthy - thank you Lord.
I don't know where you are today, maybe you are walking strongly with your God and I pray that is the case. But maybe you are like I was at the beginning of this week and you just need a do-over. Let me encourage you that you are never so far from God that He cannot reach down and pull you up. I pray you will ask Him for a holy do-over and I know I will continue to praise Him for mine.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Saturday, April 3, 2010
He Paid it ALL...
I have been reflecting this week on the death and Resurrection of Christ. I have been blessed to dig into the Gospel accounts of this amazing time. It still grabs my heart, even after being a Born Again believer for 27 years now - it makes me stop and bow my heart and life before the Lord and thank Him once again for giving His life so that I could live in eternity with Him. Who am I to deserve such riches? I am a sinner who is unworthy in every way. I am overwhelmed by the love that my Savior has for us all.
Just stop a minute and think of the person who means the most to you in this life, even if this is the most precious, amazing creature on this planet, would he/she die a brutal, horrific death so that you could live? Only God can do such a miraculous thing and I am more than thankful He did! There is nothing like the love and grace of Jesus and as my Pastor put it last week, it was kind of like a "holy swap" - the way Jesus laid His life down so that we all could live in Him.
So, this Easter Sunday as we all go to the House of the Lord to celebrate our wonderful Savior, meditate on what He has done for you and praise Him just a little louder, for He is most worthy!
If you are still wondering about this Jesus and if the Christian walk is worth it - let me tell you most assuredly, it will be the greatest decision you have ever made. It is also the easiest thing to do - just like learning you ABC's.
A: Admit that you are a sinner. "There is no one righteous, not even one... for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3: 10, 23
Ask God's Forgiveness. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13
B: Believe in Jesus. Put your trust in Him as your only hope for Salvation. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Become a child of God by receiving Christ. "To all who receive Him, to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to be called the children of God." John 1:12
C: Confess that Jesus is your Lord. "If you confess with your mouth, that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9
I pray that you have a most blessed Easter and remember that He is Risen, indeed!!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Just stop a minute and think of the person who means the most to you in this life, even if this is the most precious, amazing creature on this planet, would he/she die a brutal, horrific death so that you could live? Only God can do such a miraculous thing and I am more than thankful He did! There is nothing like the love and grace of Jesus and as my Pastor put it last week, it was kind of like a "holy swap" - the way Jesus laid His life down so that we all could live in Him.
So, this Easter Sunday as we all go to the House of the Lord to celebrate our wonderful Savior, meditate on what He has done for you and praise Him just a little louder, for He is most worthy!
If you are still wondering about this Jesus and if the Christian walk is worth it - let me tell you most assuredly, it will be the greatest decision you have ever made. It is also the easiest thing to do - just like learning you ABC's.
A: Admit that you are a sinner. "There is no one righteous, not even one... for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3: 10, 23
Ask God's Forgiveness. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13
B: Believe in Jesus. Put your trust in Him as your only hope for Salvation. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Become a child of God by receiving Christ. "To all who receive Him, to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to be called the children of God." John 1:12
C: Confess that Jesus is your Lord. "If you confess with your mouth, that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9
I pray that you have a most blessed Easter and remember that He is Risen, indeed!!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Friday, March 26, 2010
A Year in the Life
Yesterday I celebrated an Anniversary. One year of using my wheelchair full time, it has been a year of learning, growth and grace. It has not been the easiest thing for me but it has been one more thing that has shown me more of Jesus - and more of who I am because of Him.
Last year on March 25th I mourned the loss of mobility and wept almost the entire day. I stayed in God's Word and allowed Him to console my wounded heart. He gave me 2 Scriptures that soothed my soul and allowed me to feel His presence and power all day.
"...weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
Such truth in this verse, I did weep, for what felt like an eternity. But God, so true to His Word has allowed me to experience such joy, even in the midst of suffering. Only God can do that and I am so thankful. The joy I have now is something I can't really define - it is just a God thing all the way around. There is just nothing quite like knowing that God, my Creator, my King is using my life to glorify Him. It is easy for me to rejoice because I know that God is working in me an exceeding and eternal weight of glory and giving me His perspective on the hard things of life - what a blessing and I never take it lightly, I am always overwhelmed by it. Last year I cried, I cried out to my God and He responded by giving me Psalm 30:5 - I wrote the verse on a tissue used that day for drying my tears and it now resides in my Bible. Every time I see the tissue, I think back on that day and remember the faithfulness of God and that joy now DOES indeed come each morning.
Last March 25th my heart was aching with an intense hurt that comes with loss, a chapter that is closing and the very end of the way things have always been. That day I was preparing to go to Wednesday night services at church and I was dreading that first time in public in my chair. God led me to Deuteronomy 31:8 -
"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you or forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."
What an awesome concept - the Lord Himself would go before me, wherever that wheelchair would take me in life my Lord was going first. I am so thankful for this truth and I have hidden this in my heart and drawn from it every time I leave the house - I know that God is walking in front of me preparing the way.
It is still a bitter pill for me to swallow, being in this wheelchair day after day and sometimes I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror or in a window and I can hardly believe it is me. The person in the reflection looks weak and vulnerable in every way and this is not the way I want to think of myself. But then I must stop and reevaluate my heart. God has allowed me to be where I am for a reason and the weak and vulnerable are just who He came to save. I remind myself that God uses my weakness and He is made perfect within it - AMEN! I am so unworthy to be used in such a way but I am so delighted and honored that God has allowed me to experience the unique "dance" of suffering and joy.
So, with a year gone by, I will keep trusting the Lord to remind me of how faithful He is and the next time I catch myself in the mirror, I will smile.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Last year on March 25th I mourned the loss of mobility and wept almost the entire day. I stayed in God's Word and allowed Him to console my wounded heart. He gave me 2 Scriptures that soothed my soul and allowed me to feel His presence and power all day.
"...weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
Such truth in this verse, I did weep, for what felt like an eternity. But God, so true to His Word has allowed me to experience such joy, even in the midst of suffering. Only God can do that and I am so thankful. The joy I have now is something I can't really define - it is just a God thing all the way around. There is just nothing quite like knowing that God, my Creator, my King is using my life to glorify Him. It is easy for me to rejoice because I know that God is working in me an exceeding and eternal weight of glory and giving me His perspective on the hard things of life - what a blessing and I never take it lightly, I am always overwhelmed by it. Last year I cried, I cried out to my God and He responded by giving me Psalm 30:5 - I wrote the verse on a tissue used that day for drying my tears and it now resides in my Bible. Every time I see the tissue, I think back on that day and remember the faithfulness of God and that joy now DOES indeed come each morning.
Last March 25th my heart was aching with an intense hurt that comes with loss, a chapter that is closing and the very end of the way things have always been. That day I was preparing to go to Wednesday night services at church and I was dreading that first time in public in my chair. God led me to Deuteronomy 31:8 -
"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you or forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."
What an awesome concept - the Lord Himself would go before me, wherever that wheelchair would take me in life my Lord was going first. I am so thankful for this truth and I have hidden this in my heart and drawn from it every time I leave the house - I know that God is walking in front of me preparing the way.
It is still a bitter pill for me to swallow, being in this wheelchair day after day and sometimes I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror or in a window and I can hardly believe it is me. The person in the reflection looks weak and vulnerable in every way and this is not the way I want to think of myself. But then I must stop and reevaluate my heart. God has allowed me to be where I am for a reason and the weak and vulnerable are just who He came to save. I remind myself that God uses my weakness and He is made perfect within it - AMEN! I am so unworthy to be used in such a way but I am so delighted and honored that God has allowed me to experience the unique "dance" of suffering and joy.
So, with a year gone by, I will keep trusting the Lord to remind me of how faithful He is and the next time I catch myself in the mirror, I will smile.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
He is Enough
I have been clinging hard and fast to Psalm 73:26 for the past several months.
"My flesh and heart fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I am always amazed at the Word of God - it gives you just the right verse for wherever you are in life. For the last few months I have been in a weary place, both mentally and physically. I have not had a seizure free day in 4 weeks and I am drained. My new seizure medication is going well - so far I have not had any adverse reactions and we are beyond thankful. It will be many months before we see a difference seizure wise but for now I am tolerating it. The more time that goes on without any seizure breaks the more exhausted I become - the days have been tough.
But in the midst of seizures and limitations the Lord has once again brought me to His feet and reminded me that, indeed, He is enough. No matter how long and hard the storm rages around me, He is my Shelter, my Keeper, my Refuge and my Strong Tower - He IS enough. I will hold onto that truth each day and when I feel like it is just all too much I will hold tighter.
So many of us journey through the valleys and deep waters of life - we are hurting, numb, and would even sometimes love to give up hope. Please let me encourage you that I know those feelings all too well and when they rush over you like cold water, pray. Pray as you never have before that the God of the Universe would give you strength for one more day, one more hurt. He is able and will make a way - allow Him to be the Comforter and Anchor of your soul and through it all you will be amazed where He takes you and what He reveals to you about yourself and most of all about walking with Him.
This is my plan for the days to come and for the rest of my life - to hold onto Jesus with everything I have, knowing that He is holding me too. I will also run to God's Word daily and let it bathe me in truth. The following verses are some of my favorites, the Lord uses them time and time again to reveal truth and remind me of what is really important, as you read them I pray that the Lord will speak to you as well.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Rejoicing in Much Hope,
Roxanne
"My flesh and heart fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I am always amazed at the Word of God - it gives you just the right verse for wherever you are in life. For the last few months I have been in a weary place, both mentally and physically. I have not had a seizure free day in 4 weeks and I am drained. My new seizure medication is going well - so far I have not had any adverse reactions and we are beyond thankful. It will be many months before we see a difference seizure wise but for now I am tolerating it. The more time that goes on without any seizure breaks the more exhausted I become - the days have been tough.
But in the midst of seizures and limitations the Lord has once again brought me to His feet and reminded me that, indeed, He is enough. No matter how long and hard the storm rages around me, He is my Shelter, my Keeper, my Refuge and my Strong Tower - He IS enough. I will hold onto that truth each day and when I feel like it is just all too much I will hold tighter.
So many of us journey through the valleys and deep waters of life - we are hurting, numb, and would even sometimes love to give up hope. Please let me encourage you that I know those feelings all too well and when they rush over you like cold water, pray. Pray as you never have before that the God of the Universe would give you strength for one more day, one more hurt. He is able and will make a way - allow Him to be the Comforter and Anchor of your soul and through it all you will be amazed where He takes you and what He reveals to you about yourself and most of all about walking with Him.
This is my plan for the days to come and for the rest of my life - to hold onto Jesus with everything I have, knowing that He is holding me too. I will also run to God's Word daily and let it bathe me in truth. The following verses are some of my favorites, the Lord uses them time and time again to reveal truth and remind me of what is really important, as you read them I pray that the Lord will speak to you as well.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Rejoicing in Much Hope,
Roxanne
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