A few Sunday's ago Josh came down to meet us in "big church" as he does every week. My mom radar was in high gear that day and I noticed he just wasn't himself - he just looked odd to me. I asked him if anything was wrong, he said, "not really" but I knew something was up. I asked him again and he told me, "I got some drastic news today" - this is teenage speak for something big and not so good that just happened. He was having such a hard time getting out the words when it hit me what the "something drastic" was. So, I came out and asked him, "Is Jared moving?" He looked stunned, "How in the world did you know that?" "I'm your mom, its my job to know."
Jared is one of Josh's very best friends, they have known each other since the first grade - we love Jared, he is in and out of our house all the time. Nothing is better than when your children have true, wonderful friends.
Josh was and still is, heartbroken. As I looked at him sitting next to me in church, he seemed so little. My thirteen year old son who is now shaving and taller than me looked about 2 years old again. I could picture him sitting there, thumb in mouth and blue blankie in hand for security. At this moment - like any good mother who loves her child more than life, I lost it.
I really don't think there is anything worse than seeing your children hurt. And in that moment, I was just overcome with sorrow for my sweet Josh. I wish I could say I only cried a little and was really lady-like about it but that is just not the case. Every emotion and all the pain I have been dealing with for the past 6 or so months came crashing down around me. Every seizure, the struggle with the medication that has made me so very sick since mid April, the grief I have felt every day since Maw-Maw went to be with the Lord in July and now this - like a flood it all just washed over me.
After a few minutes, I tried to compose myself. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him how much more can we take? God, in His mercy, love and wisdom was quick to remind me He was there holding me once again. I was then reminded of one of my favorite Scriptures, one that the Lord gave to me so long ago on another hard day - the day I surrendered to my wheelchair full time.
"And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8
God in His sovereignty helped me see once again, that nothing that could ever happen could take Him by surprise. He will always go before me and be the Light for my path - and He will do the same for Josh as he misses his friend.
So today, I want to encourage all of you who may feel like you just can't take another hard blow - God is in it with you, He is walking before you and will never leave you. Be strong in Him and allow your faith to grow and your hope to stretch. If we can't see the Lord in the hard times, we won't see Him when times are good either. Either way He alone is God!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
