Yesterday I celebrated an Anniversary. One year of using my wheelchair full time, it has been a year of learning, growth and grace. It has not been the easiest thing for me but it has been one more thing that has shown me more of Jesus - and more of who I am because of Him.
Last year on March 25th I mourned the loss of mobility and wept almost the entire day. I stayed in God's Word and allowed Him to console my wounded heart. He gave me 2 Scriptures that soothed my soul and allowed me to feel His presence and power all day.
"...weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
Such truth in this verse, I did weep, for what felt like an eternity. But God, so true to His Word has allowed me to experience such joy, even in the midst of suffering. Only God can do that and I am so thankful. The joy I have now is something I can't really define - it is just a God thing all the way around. There is just nothing quite like knowing that God, my Creator, my King is using my life to glorify Him. It is easy for me to rejoice because I know that God is working in me an exceeding and eternal weight of glory and giving me His perspective on the hard things of life - what a blessing and I never take it lightly, I am always overwhelmed by it. Last year I cried, I cried out to my God and He responded by giving me Psalm 30:5 - I wrote the verse on a tissue used that day for drying my tears and it now resides in my Bible. Every time I see the tissue, I think back on that day and remember the faithfulness of God and that joy now DOES indeed come each morning.
Last March 25th my heart was aching with an intense hurt that comes with loss, a chapter that is closing and the very end of the way things have always been. That day I was preparing to go to Wednesday night services at church and I was dreading that first time in public in my chair. God led me to Deuteronomy 31:8 -
"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you or forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."
What an awesome concept - the Lord Himself would go before me, wherever that wheelchair would take me in life my Lord was going first. I am so thankful for this truth and I have hidden this in my heart and drawn from it every time I leave the house - I know that God is walking in front of me preparing the way.
It is still a bitter pill for me to swallow, being in this wheelchair day after day and sometimes I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror or in a window and I can hardly believe it is me. The person in the reflection looks weak and vulnerable in every way and this is not the way I want to think of myself. But then I must stop and reevaluate my heart. God has allowed me to be where I am for a reason and the weak and vulnerable are just who He came to save. I remind myself that God uses my weakness and He is made perfect within it - AMEN! I am so unworthy to be used in such a way but I am so delighted and honored that God has allowed me to experience the unique "dance" of suffering and joy.
So, with a year gone by, I will keep trusting the Lord to remind me of how faithful He is and the next time I catch myself in the mirror, I will smile.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
He is Enough
I have been clinging hard and fast to Psalm 73:26 for the past several months.
"My flesh and heart fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I am always amazed at the Word of God - it gives you just the right verse for wherever you are in life. For the last few months I have been in a weary place, both mentally and physically. I have not had a seizure free day in 4 weeks and I am drained. My new seizure medication is going well - so far I have not had any adverse reactions and we are beyond thankful. It will be many months before we see a difference seizure wise but for now I am tolerating it. The more time that goes on without any seizure breaks the more exhausted I become - the days have been tough.
But in the midst of seizures and limitations the Lord has once again brought me to His feet and reminded me that, indeed, He is enough. No matter how long and hard the storm rages around me, He is my Shelter, my Keeper, my Refuge and my Strong Tower - He IS enough. I will hold onto that truth each day and when I feel like it is just all too much I will hold tighter.
So many of us journey through the valleys and deep waters of life - we are hurting, numb, and would even sometimes love to give up hope. Please let me encourage you that I know those feelings all too well and when they rush over you like cold water, pray. Pray as you never have before that the God of the Universe would give you strength for one more day, one more hurt. He is able and will make a way - allow Him to be the Comforter and Anchor of your soul and through it all you will be amazed where He takes you and what He reveals to you about yourself and most of all about walking with Him.
This is my plan for the days to come and for the rest of my life - to hold onto Jesus with everything I have, knowing that He is holding me too. I will also run to God's Word daily and let it bathe me in truth. The following verses are some of my favorites, the Lord uses them time and time again to reveal truth and remind me of what is really important, as you read them I pray that the Lord will speak to you as well.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Rejoicing in Much Hope,
Roxanne
"My flesh and heart fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
I am always amazed at the Word of God - it gives you just the right verse for wherever you are in life. For the last few months I have been in a weary place, both mentally and physically. I have not had a seizure free day in 4 weeks and I am drained. My new seizure medication is going well - so far I have not had any adverse reactions and we are beyond thankful. It will be many months before we see a difference seizure wise but for now I am tolerating it. The more time that goes on without any seizure breaks the more exhausted I become - the days have been tough.
But in the midst of seizures and limitations the Lord has once again brought me to His feet and reminded me that, indeed, He is enough. No matter how long and hard the storm rages around me, He is my Shelter, my Keeper, my Refuge and my Strong Tower - He IS enough. I will hold onto that truth each day and when I feel like it is just all too much I will hold tighter.
So many of us journey through the valleys and deep waters of life - we are hurting, numb, and would even sometimes love to give up hope. Please let me encourage you that I know those feelings all too well and when they rush over you like cold water, pray. Pray as you never have before that the God of the Universe would give you strength for one more day, one more hurt. He is able and will make a way - allow Him to be the Comforter and Anchor of your soul and through it all you will be amazed where He takes you and what He reveals to you about yourself and most of all about walking with Him.
This is my plan for the days to come and for the rest of my life - to hold onto Jesus with everything I have, knowing that He is holding me too. I will also run to God's Word daily and let it bathe me in truth. The following verses are some of my favorites, the Lord uses them time and time again to reveal truth and remind me of what is really important, as you read them I pray that the Lord will speak to you as well.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Rejoicing in Much Hope,
Roxanne
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Rest in Peace Layla Grace...
Layla Grace Marsh, the precious little girl who has been fighting Stage 4 Neuroblastoma, went home to be with the Lord early this morning.
I am broken hearted for this wonderful family and I will continue to lift them before the Father - I will ask you to do the same. Our God is mighty and I am trusting Him alone to carry them through the days and months to come, providing them with the grace, strength and comfort that only He can give.
Rest well, sweet Layla, you have fought the good fight and now you are forever healed, in the arms of The Great I Am.
Heart broken but still Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body." Philippians 3:20-21
I am broken hearted for this wonderful family and I will continue to lift them before the Father - I will ask you to do the same. Our God is mighty and I am trusting Him alone to carry them through the days and months to come, providing them with the grace, strength and comfort that only He can give.
Rest well, sweet Layla, you have fought the good fight and now you are forever healed, in the arms of The Great I Am.
Heart broken but still Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body." Philippians 3:20-21
Friday, March 5, 2010
Good News and Being Held...
My visit to the rheumatologist yesterday morning went well and the news was good. I do not have RA, Lupus or Scleraderma. Praise God - we are so thankful! I do however have a very, very low Vitamin D level - the normal range is 70-100 and mine is 29. The doctor put me on a very high dose of Vitamin D and hopefully the problem will be corrected from that. Thank the Lord for answered prayer!
These last few weeks have been most difficult for me and I have not had a seizure free day in weeks so I am drained - emotionally and physically. God has been my anchor and the refuge of my soul. I have been very still and known that He is God in these few weeks - sometimes it takes huge events to make us slow down and remember that God is in control. I welcome these times, difficult as they may be, because they remind me Who I am trusting and why.
Please pray for me in the coming weeks as I have started a new seizure medication, in addition to the one I currently take. I never really like starting a new medication because I have such severe reactions to almost every medication I have ever taken. I am praying that I will not react badly to this one, giving it a chance to work. Again, I am being very still at the feet of my Jesus, knowing that He is God.
Today this will be short because I am not feeling that well but I just want us all to remember, especially if you are journeying with me in hardship and trials - God knows your name and loves you so very much. Allow Him to hold you today in whatever valley you find yourself.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2
These last few weeks have been most difficult for me and I have not had a seizure free day in weeks so I am drained - emotionally and physically. God has been my anchor and the refuge of my soul. I have been very still and known that He is God in these few weeks - sometimes it takes huge events to make us slow down and remember that God is in control. I welcome these times, difficult as they may be, because they remind me Who I am trusting and why.
Please pray for me in the coming weeks as I have started a new seizure medication, in addition to the one I currently take. I never really like starting a new medication because I have such severe reactions to almost every medication I have ever taken. I am praying that I will not react badly to this one, giving it a chance to work. Again, I am being very still at the feet of my Jesus, knowing that He is God.
Today this will be short because I am not feeling that well but I just want us all to remember, especially if you are journeying with me in hardship and trials - God knows your name and loves you so very much. Allow Him to hold you today in whatever valley you find yourself.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2
Monday, March 1, 2010
Layla Grace
My heart is heavy and burdened for a precious family here in Houston. They are watching their 2 year old daughter die. Her name is Layla Grace and she is battling Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. I found out about Layla Grace from FaceBook and have been following her for a while now.
This is a family of Christians who love the Lord and who are holding on to Him with everything they have. I have been inspired, blessed and encouraged by their hope - but mostly I have been saddened by the fact that they will lose this little angel in a matter of days. I cannot even begin to imagine their pain - Lord have mercy.
Please pray for the sweet Marsh family who is in such pain right now and will be in even more in the days to come. I am so thankful that they know the Lord and will not grieve in vain - they know that Layla will soon be in the arms of King Jesus. She will be completely healed and able to stand before her God with praise, knowing she fought the good fight.
If you want to know more about them please go to http://laylagrace.org/ and in the meantime, drop to your knees and pray.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
This is a family of Christians who love the Lord and who are holding on to Him with everything they have. I have been inspired, blessed and encouraged by their hope - but mostly I have been saddened by the fact that they will lose this little angel in a matter of days. I cannot even begin to imagine their pain - Lord have mercy.
Please pray for the sweet Marsh family who is in such pain right now and will be in even more in the days to come. I am so thankful that they know the Lord and will not grieve in vain - they know that Layla will soon be in the arms of King Jesus. She will be completely healed and able to stand before her God with praise, knowing she fought the good fight.
If you want to know more about them please go to http://laylagrace.org/ and in the meantime, drop to your knees and pray.
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
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