I think this may be the longest I have gone without writing in my blog. I must say I miss it when I am away, it is good therapy for me and I love the chance to praise my God through the written word.
The month of January is sort of a blur to me - Josh going back to school, getting our schedules back to normal after the Christmas holidays and continuing the battle with seizures that seems to never end. Last week was a really hard week for me, including a fall - those are always most difficult and hard to recover from. Praise God I did not have to make my usual trek to the ER to get stitches, we were more than excited over that - maybe I should have a "club card" at the ER, you know I could have it stamped each time I go and if I get 10 stamps the next visit is free! Just a thought!
2010 was one of the hardest years I have had in quite some time. I tried 3 new seizure medications that failed due to side effects that were so severe I just could not handle the meds, I had the shingles and a nasty case of bronchitis that took me 2 months to finally get over, found out I am going through early menopause, discovered a few new health conditions I have due to so many years on seizure meds - more on that another time and finally the loss of my Maw-Maw back in July that has stopped me in my tracks with grief. I miss her and not a day goes by that she doesn't cross my mind.
I am hopeful that this year will be a better year for me and my family. But in being hopeful for a better year, I am also reminded that God ALWAYS has a plan - especially in the hardest of times and the deepest of valleys. Over the past month I have been more focused on, "What does the Lord want to show me through all of this?" I am more concerned with trying to grow closer to my God and conform to His image and likeness than hoping or even praying for easier times in my life.
God never wastes one thing in our lives - our grief, our pain, our sickness or anything else that will take our eyes off ourselves on place them on our Great and Mighty God. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who has fast become a wonderful teacher and hero in the faith to me, says it best,
"True joy is not the absence of pain but the sanctifying, sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of pain. Through the whole process, whether it be a matter of days, weeks, months or years, we have His promise." That promise being 1 Peter 5:10 "The God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
Strong, firm and steadfast - I want that more than anything in my life - even more than healing. Thank you Lord Jesus for always being enough, even in the toughest of times, You are all I need. Help me to see that more each day and may 2011 be the year that my life honors You like no other.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
