Longings...

For several weeks now my mind and heart have been filled with memories and thoughts of my childhood. I am sure my thinking has been steered this way due to the struggle we are having with Maw-Maw and so for days now I have found myself in a "different place."

I have always been very blessed to be close to both sets of my Grandparents, they are very different and I guess that is what makes the memories so wonderful and fun. I had two very unique experiences growing up, on the one hand I had the Italian experience complete with big family and great food and on the other I had the country experience complete with "down home" living and tender hearted people.

My mind has recently drifted back to those days when I would visit the little white frame house of my Grandma and Grandpa Kilgore and the wonderful smell of Downy would be the first thing to meet you at the door - my Grandma Kilgore is the only one I know who could do 15 loads of laundry in a day and still have time to go fishing. I can remember the days lazy of summer on their farm in Apple Springs Texas and we would all pile up in the back of my Grandpa's red Ford truck to go pick tomatoes and beans from the garden that was his pride and joy. The little bottle Cokes that we took with us would drip ice cold all the way there and what a thrill it was to dab that freezing bottle all over our hot, hot faces. We would end those sweltering days by eating ice cream on the front porch and waiting for the stars to blanket us at night - my grandma would always wish upon a star. Oh, how I long for those days again... and I sure miss my Grandma and Grandpa.

My memories are different but just as wonderful and special at my Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw Sedita's house. This time, standing at her front door, the first thing to greet you is the smell of pasta gravy. How many times I stood at that door just knowing it wouldn't be too much longer before we could eat some of that wonderful food - nobody cooks like Maw-Maw. And eat, we did, every Sunday when I was growing up, we all went over for our Sunday meal, a houseful of us, talking loud and eating, like Italians do. My cousin Gina and I loved to watch the Miss America Pageant with Maw-Maw - it was an annual event at her house and we would stay up late, laugh and eat chips and onion dip. Oh, how I long for those days... and I sure will miss my Maw-Maw when its time for her to go.

These have been the longings of my heart lately - just lost in the memories I guess. All of these longings led me to another great longing that - believe it or not - outweighs all of these. My desire to set my feet on the streets of Heaven and look into the eyes of my Savior.

My heart skips a beat each time I think of the day when I will be able to walk - no wheelchair in sight - alongside of the One who gave it all for me to live. The thought is overwhelming, to fall at the feet of Jesus and worship - is there anything that compares? To raise my voice, along with every angel in Heaven, in praise and adoration of King Jesus - I can hardly type the words!

Then just as icing on the cake, Jesus will say, "You are healed, you have no need for that wheelchair here. And seizures, they do not exist." Praise God - I can't wait for the day! How about you?

The thought of Heaven is the deepest longing of my heart and I praise God that one day I will not only stand before my God but I will be able to sit down with all my precious Grandparents again and talk about all those special memories that I have hidden in my heart for so long. Just makes me smile thinking of the day...

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

The God of Do-Overs

If you have been reading my blog for long, you know that the past several months have been difficult ones for me. One health crisis after another, one seizure after another - it all equals a very weary woman with a heavy heart.

Another issue that I have left out is my sweet Maw-Maw, she is 92, suffers from tongue and jaw cancer and is going down hill very quickly. My heart is broken over the thought of losing her, I know she has lived a full life and loves the Lord but, she is my very last grandparent and it has been hard.

This past weekend we had a big scare with her and are now having to make some hard decisions - life just never seems to get easier. It was a hard weekend on many levels and I came home overwhelmed, upset and angry. On Sunday evening I was beginning to feel a deep caesium between myself and the Lord.

I am sharing these things because I want to be completely honest about my walk with my God- it is not perfect, not even close. I am always learning and praying for the Lord to keep removing the "warts" of this world from my heart.

Monday morning I found it hard to pray and I stayed away from my time in the Word, a time that I treasure each day and I encourage everyone to give daily Bible time to God. But I just could not focus on the things of God, my focus was only inward at this time. I was only thinking of the weekend I had just experienced and my body that is worn and weak from over 8 weeks of non stop seizures. Tuesday and Wednesday were about the same, only now I was having that agonizing emptiness from missing my Best Friend for three days. If you have ever been there, you know what I mean.

Today I got up and prayed, prayed hard. I told the Lord that I thought I needed a do-over for the week. Just to start over with a clean heart that has not been hard or sinful towards my Lord. And God, being God, reminded me that He was in the business of do-overs.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Praise God!! I am so thankful to know the God of do-overs as my Lord and Savior. I certainly did not deserve forgiveness but how blessed I am that God does not have human thinking.

My heart feels whole again and I feel close to the Lord - no more deep void between us, that I created, by the way. I am still heart broken over my grandma and I am certainly still having too many seizures to count but now I am in right relationship with the One Who can give me the peace and strength to face it all. The grace and love of God amazes me and I am so unworthy - thank you Lord.

I don't know where you are today, maybe you are walking strongly with your God and I pray that is the case. But maybe you are like I was at the beginning of this week and you just need a do-over. Let me encourage you that you are never so far from God that He cannot reach down and pull you up. I pray you will ask Him for a holy do-over and I know I will continue to praise Him for mine.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

He Paid it ALL...

I have been reflecting this week on the death and Resurrection of Christ. I have been blessed to dig into the Gospel accounts of this amazing time. It still grabs my heart, even after being a Born Again believer for 27 years now - it makes me stop and bow my heart and life before the Lord and thank Him once again for giving His life so that I could live in eternity with Him. Who am I to deserve such riches? I am a sinner who is unworthy in every way. I am overwhelmed by the love that my Savior has for us all.

Just stop a minute and think of the person who means the most to you in this life, even if this is the most precious, amazing creature on this planet, would he/she die a brutal, horrific death so that you could live? Only God can do such a miraculous thing and I am more than thankful He did! There is nothing like the love and grace of Jesus and as my Pastor put it last week, it was kind of like a "holy swap" - the way Jesus laid His life down so that we all could live in Him.

So, this Easter Sunday as we all go to the House of the Lord to celebrate our wonderful Savior, meditate on what He has done for you and praise Him just a little louder, for He is most worthy!

If you are still wondering about this Jesus and if the Christian walk is worth it - let me tell you most assuredly, it will be the greatest decision you have ever made. It is also the easiest thing to do - just like learning you ABC's.

A: Admit that you are a sinner. "There is no one righteous, not even one... for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3: 10, 23
Ask God's Forgiveness. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13

B: Believe in Jesus. Put your trust in Him as your only hope for Salvation. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Become a child of God by receiving Christ. "To all who receive Him, to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to be called the children of God." John 1:12

C: Confess that Jesus is your Lord. "If you confess with your mouth, that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

I pray that you have a most blessed Easter and remember that He is Risen, indeed!!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne