Hard days... and faith

One of my favorites things to do is take a hot, hot bath and relax. I enjoy the peace and quiet from just sitting in a hot tub of water, the stress of the day just rolls off my back - what a great feeling! All the joy and fun of this very ordinary event came to a crashing halt on Labor Day weekend 2004.
I was enjoying the great "alone" time that most Mom's seem to need so much - listening to my music and being very slow on purpose so as to eek every minute of enjoyment from this time that I could. Then I had a seizure - a longer seizure, and by a long seizure I mean about 13-18 seconds. Such a short time but when it comes to seizures, it is a lifetime. My head fell face first into the water - even now, to type the words gives me a cold chill.

Stephen came in just in time to find me face down in the water. I am so thankful that my life is carefully planned out by my Heavenly Father, that nothing is by chance or just happens for no apparent reason. I know the Lord led Stephen in the bathroom just in time to save me... and that is just what he did. It was not his first time and certainly was not his last. My wonderful husband has had the awful experience of saving, catching, diving for my dead weight body many, many times.
I can still remember coughing up water and struggling to breathe. Wet hair covered my face and water filled my nose and mouth.
It is a surreal feeling to come out of a seizure and discover that all hell has broken lose in the 13 seconds that I was out of it. Praise God I was fine - a little shaken, we both were, but I was alive and doing okay. This would be my very last bath taken without Stephen in the room.

I was so angry. As I said I loved my baths and now to never just be able to take one whenever the mood struck was very frustrating. I was still coming to terms with ALL the seizures I was dealing with at the time and having a really hard time with it. I didn't care to see how God was choosing to work in my life at the time - I wanted what I wanted, even if it was just a 30 minute bath. And I didn't think that was too much to ask. Once again God took my overwhelmed (not to mention hard and stubborn) heart in His Hands and began to work as only He can.
It took quite some time for me to let go of the anger of having to give up one more thing but as I trusted God more and more - and myself less and less, I saw something miraculous.

I began to see that the more things that were stripped away from me, the more clearly I was able to see Jesus. The less I focused on "things" the more I could see the Lord working and moving all around me. I was learning contentment, slowly, but I was learning. God continues today to teach me contentment through the circumstances around me and I am forever grateful to Him for showing me more and more of Himself - He is faithful.

I would love to take a good hot bubble bath by myself and I think about it sometimes - sometimes when my days are too much for me and I just need to be alone. But God has shown me how to be overwhelmed with thankfulness that now I can share that time with my sweet Stephen. I praise God for the fact that I have learned that taking baths as well as walking are not the most important things in life. What is most important to me now are the little things that carry the most weight in life. Thank you Lord for teaching my very hard heart and allowing me to see You in the midst of loss and hardships - I would take nothing for it.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne