For those of you who read my last post, you know that I am having a tough time dealing with all of the life issues that keep coming my way. You also know that I am waiting on some tests results and I am just plain battle weary from life right now.
The Lord has spoken to me in a pretty powerful way over the past few days and I thought I would share with you - especially those of you who join me in battle weariness and life fatigue.
During my time of Worship this past Sunday I heard the Lord speak very clearly to my heart. "So what will change if it turns out to be Lupus or something else?" This went straight to my soul and I had to ask myself, "What WOULD change?" I will still love, serve and worship King Jesus - I will do my best to glorify Him with my life and bow before Him each day.
The thing that matters most to me - my relationship with the Lord, will not change, if anything I will grow more dependant on Him - and I already know how awesome that is! One of my favorites authors, Jennifer Rothschild has said this,
"It may not be well with my circumstances but, it is well with my soul."
So, I am reminded once again that even in the hardest of times my soul can be calm and rejoice in the fact that my God is holding me so close that I can almost feel the touch of His hand. I am still a little weary from all of the difficulties that disability brings - especially now when things are a little more tough. But mostly I am thankful that God continues to provide me with just what I need - never giving up on telling me how much I need Him. And believe me, if I were Him, I would have given up on ME long ago.
I know my prayer should be that all of these test results come back negative, but, it is not. My prayer is that no matter what happens on March 4th - good, bad or otherwise - that I would learn more about my Savior and come to need Him desperately. That having a God perspective would matter more to me than good test results, seizure free days or walking.
Please do not misunderstand, this is hard and I am not a big fan of any of it, but if it draws me closer to my Jesus, then so be it. God is faithful and I know He is journeying with me. Thank you, my sweet friends that faithfully read, for bringing me before the Father - you will never know this side of Heaven how humbled and honored I am that you take time to pray for me.
So blessed today that it IS well with my soul and praying that is is well with yours!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Battle Weary...
Yesterday I went to see my third rheumatologist to get the bottom of all the pain I am having throughout my body. It was a good visit, we liked the doctor very much. She asked me lots of questions including, "Have you ever been tested for Lupus?" I haven't and she was somewhat concerned it could be that, RA or Schleroderma. We did blood work - 11 tubes of blood, and I will get the results back on March 4th, it takes 2 weeks for the Lupus testing.
I left the appointment feeling a little overwhelmed and in all honesty I was asking this of my God.
"Lord, something else? Isn't it already enough?"
So, as I write this today I must say that I am going through what I like to call "Life Fatigue" - you know what I mean, we all have these times when life just becomes too much. For me, I am tired, worn and just plain ready to be done with this roller coaster ride I have been on for 42 years. My body aches from so much pain and my head is spinning from all the new medications I have started in the last month. Since the middle of January I also found out my Thyroid is low - new pill for that, my Progesterone level is low - new pill for that and my Vitamin D level is very low - 2 new pills for that. And of course, we top it all off with an endless supply of seizures and the medication that goes with that!
I felt that I needed to be very honest with all of my wonderful readers today and let you all know that I am having a tough time. I am human and right now my heart is heavy and, like the title says - I am battle weary.
God has been so good to speak to me over the past few hours and remind me once again that He is God and I am not - am I the only one who forgets that from time to time? I have heard Him say to me several times in the last few hours -
"I will not leave you or forsake you. I am your God and I will go before you, My grace is sufficient."
I am always thankful when the Lord speaks to me. He reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him. I can and will rejoice in the hope that I have in the Lord - even when it is tough to do so.
So, for the next 2 weeks I will wait... and pray. I will rest in my Jesus, who holds my very overwhelmed heart in His mighty Hand. I will also trust that the outcome of all of this will draw me closer to Him and bring Him glory. And lastly, I will be still and know that He is God.
Thank you all for waiting and praying with me.
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
I left the appointment feeling a little overwhelmed and in all honesty I was asking this of my God.
"Lord, something else? Isn't it already enough?"
So, as I write this today I must say that I am going through what I like to call "Life Fatigue" - you know what I mean, we all have these times when life just becomes too much. For me, I am tired, worn and just plain ready to be done with this roller coaster ride I have been on for 42 years. My body aches from so much pain and my head is spinning from all the new medications I have started in the last month. Since the middle of January I also found out my Thyroid is low - new pill for that, my Progesterone level is low - new pill for that and my Vitamin D level is very low - 2 new pills for that. And of course, we top it all off with an endless supply of seizures and the medication that goes with that!
I felt that I needed to be very honest with all of my wonderful readers today and let you all know that I am having a tough time. I am human and right now my heart is heavy and, like the title says - I am battle weary.
God has been so good to speak to me over the past few hours and remind me once again that He is God and I am not - am I the only one who forgets that from time to time? I have heard Him say to me several times in the last few hours -
"I will not leave you or forsake you. I am your God and I will go before you, My grace is sufficient."
I am always thankful when the Lord speaks to me. He reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him. I can and will rejoice in the hope that I have in the Lord - even when it is tough to do so.
So, for the next 2 weeks I will wait... and pray. I will rest in my Jesus, who holds my very overwhelmed heart in His mighty Hand. I will also trust that the outcome of all of this will draw me closer to Him and bring Him glory. And lastly, I will be still and know that He is God.
Thank you all for waiting and praying with me.
"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Never the Same
Over the years I have had lots of questions about my first seizure. When was it? How old was I? Where was I? So, today I have decided to share the experience that has changed me forever...
On July 21, 1985 my life was altered in a matter of minutes. The day started out like any other, it was a Sunday and I was getting ready for church. Stephen and I had been dating all of 6 months - we were so young, 17 and about to be Seniors in High School. We had been visiting my aunt's church and that is where we were on this particular morning.
I had on my new blue and grey checked dress and was looking particularly cute, if I do say so myself. Stephen and I were attending the Youth service in this church and in a matter of seconds I began to feel something I had never felt before, but, would come to experience many, many times in my life.
My left hand began to tingle with very sharp intensity. And I started hearing the voices around me sound like they were miles off. I fell over onto Stephen's lap and before we knew it I was unconscious and seizing. That is all I remember but, later I was told I had a grand mal seizure - whatever that meant...
My memories from this day are choppy and unclear. The next thing I remember is Stephen and someone from the church driving me home. Stephen had already called my parents who were going to spend the day with my aunt and uncle on Lake Conroe. Stephen was able to reach them just before they left - God was working even when we didn't know it.
My mother came running out to the car with a look of panic and fear that I have never seen (even to this day) on her face. I can still see her wearing a white house dress with red piping around the edges. "What happened? What happened?" were the only things she and Daddy could manage to say. Before I knew it we were on the way to Texas Children's Hospital and there I would stay for the next 11 days. I had every test you can imagine to try to determine the cause of the seizure and what was going on with me.
Terrified did not even begin to describe the way I felt - the way we all felt. I had no idea what had just happened to me and I sure did not want it to ever happen again. I had never seen a seizure in my life and knew nothing about this very foreign word that was being thrown around for the next 11 days.
Epilepsy.
We knew very little at this time but the doctors had decided that the seizure was probably caused due to the brain condition I was born with. All I knew was I spent every minute trying to forget the whole thing - I didn't want to talk about it, I just wanted to focus on anything but seizures. I was very quickly put on a seizure medication to prevent further episodes - as we all know now that did not work and has been an uphill battle for going on 25 years. But at the time, we were just learning.
We learned a lot about seizures those two weeks in the hospital. The one I had was a tonic clonic or grand mal seizure - these are the big seizures where you loose consciousness and your body becomes very stiff and rigid with lots of shaking and jerking. I have had many hundreds of these types of seizures to date and they are still the scariest.
My life has never been the same...
Yes, seizures and physical challenges have been the brunt of the changes in my life over the past almost 25 years. Medications - too many to count, reactions from those same medications, injuries, hospital stays, limitations, and finally the wheelchair. But there is another reason - the main reason that I have never been the same. It is my God who has walked with me and carried me through all the hurt, pain and loss.
The disabilities I struggle with every day have driven me to the Cross of Christ more times than I can count and for this I am eternally grateful. My Jesus has been my Rock, fortress, refuge and strength through it all. I could have never survived one day without Him.
It has taken me a long, long time to be able to say this but I am so thankful for that day in July so many years ago. I would not trade it or give it back or even try to pray it away. God has used all of the tough times to draw me unto Him, to reveal more of Himself to me and to make me more like Him - I still have a long way to go on that last one but, I am, at least on my way.
One of my very favorite people and heroes in the faith, Joni Eareckson Tada, has said, "God allows what He hates to achieve what He loves." I believe that is one the most most profound and true statements that I have ever heard. God allows suffering to show more of who He is and draw us closer to Him. It is a tough concept, I know. But I know from 42 years of physical hardship and leaning on the God of the Universe - it is true.
And through of all of this, I am so thankful to never be the same - I am forever blessed!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"I will praise You, O Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
On July 21, 1985 my life was altered in a matter of minutes. The day started out like any other, it was a Sunday and I was getting ready for church. Stephen and I had been dating all of 6 months - we were so young, 17 and about to be Seniors in High School. We had been visiting my aunt's church and that is where we were on this particular morning.
I had on my new blue and grey checked dress and was looking particularly cute, if I do say so myself. Stephen and I were attending the Youth service in this church and in a matter of seconds I began to feel something I had never felt before, but, would come to experience many, many times in my life.
My left hand began to tingle with very sharp intensity. And I started hearing the voices around me sound like they were miles off. I fell over onto Stephen's lap and before we knew it I was unconscious and seizing. That is all I remember but, later I was told I had a grand mal seizure - whatever that meant...
My memories from this day are choppy and unclear. The next thing I remember is Stephen and someone from the church driving me home. Stephen had already called my parents who were going to spend the day with my aunt and uncle on Lake Conroe. Stephen was able to reach them just before they left - God was working even when we didn't know it.
My mother came running out to the car with a look of panic and fear that I have never seen (even to this day) on her face. I can still see her wearing a white house dress with red piping around the edges. "What happened? What happened?" were the only things she and Daddy could manage to say. Before I knew it we were on the way to Texas Children's Hospital and there I would stay for the next 11 days. I had every test you can imagine to try to determine the cause of the seizure and what was going on with me.
Terrified did not even begin to describe the way I felt - the way we all felt. I had no idea what had just happened to me and I sure did not want it to ever happen again. I had never seen a seizure in my life and knew nothing about this very foreign word that was being thrown around for the next 11 days.
Epilepsy.
We knew very little at this time but the doctors had decided that the seizure was probably caused due to the brain condition I was born with. All I knew was I spent every minute trying to forget the whole thing - I didn't want to talk about it, I just wanted to focus on anything but seizures. I was very quickly put on a seizure medication to prevent further episodes - as we all know now that did not work and has been an uphill battle for going on 25 years. But at the time, we were just learning.
We learned a lot about seizures those two weeks in the hospital. The one I had was a tonic clonic or grand mal seizure - these are the big seizures where you loose consciousness and your body becomes very stiff and rigid with lots of shaking and jerking. I have had many hundreds of these types of seizures to date and they are still the scariest.
My life has never been the same...
Yes, seizures and physical challenges have been the brunt of the changes in my life over the past almost 25 years. Medications - too many to count, reactions from those same medications, injuries, hospital stays, limitations, and finally the wheelchair. But there is another reason - the main reason that I have never been the same. It is my God who has walked with me and carried me through all the hurt, pain and loss.
The disabilities I struggle with every day have driven me to the Cross of Christ more times than I can count and for this I am eternally grateful. My Jesus has been my Rock, fortress, refuge and strength through it all. I could have never survived one day without Him.
It has taken me a long, long time to be able to say this but I am so thankful for that day in July so many years ago. I would not trade it or give it back or even try to pray it away. God has used all of the tough times to draw me unto Him, to reveal more of Himself to me and to make me more like Him - I still have a long way to go on that last one but, I am, at least on my way.
One of my very favorite people and heroes in the faith, Joni Eareckson Tada, has said, "God allows what He hates to achieve what He loves." I believe that is one the most most profound and true statements that I have ever heard. God allows suffering to show more of who He is and draw us closer to Him. It is a tough concept, I know. But I know from 42 years of physical hardship and leaning on the God of the Universe - it is true.
And through of all of this, I am so thankful to never be the same - I am forever blessed!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
"I will praise You, O Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2
Friday, February 5, 2010
Hope is a good thing...
Hope is one of those words you hear all the time, it has become so commonplace in our day.
I hope you have a good day...
We are hoping against hope...
I hope you feel better soon...
It is almost as if we are using the word hope as our very own wishing well. Just sort of throwing it out there like throwing pennies into a fountain. And if we say it enough - we just might get our wish... or hope as it were.
As a believer in the Lord Jesus, I am so very thankful to know that my hope is not some wish made on a prayer or something that is impersonal and cold. My hope (and yours too, if you know the Lord) is not a thing at all. Our hope is a Person - the person of Jesus.
He is real, tangible, living and wants us to know more than anything that He alone is our HOPE.
I know for me, especially on weeks like this one when I have been sick, had more seizures than I can count and been in great amounts of pain from arthritis, for me to be able to reach out and call on my Savior who died for me so that I could have hope - it is the greatest comfort.
This week 3 precious friends of mine have lost loved ones and it has been very tough on them and their families. Death is always so hard and so final. I am praying for these sweet friends and trusting the Lord to heal their broken hearts. But in all of the grief I know that there is much HOPE. Hope that they will see their beloved one again and hope that they are now resting in the arms of the One who loves them more than they will ever know. They are holding on to the fact that hope is indeed a good thing...
One of my favorite quotes is from the movie, The Shawshank Redemption...
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies, so get busy living or get busy dying."
As a person with disabilities this speaks volumes to me. First, it says that my hope, my faith, my trust, my belief needs to be sure and steady. And not in myself, my wheelchair, my doctor or even my sweet husband that I love so much - my hope must be eternal, everlasting and unshakable. My hope must be in Christ alone.
Second, it reminds me that hope is precious, a good thing. That the Lord has given to His children to remind them we always have Him to hold on to - the best of things.
Webster's defines hope as: to wish for something with expectation to its fulfillment, to have confidence, trust.
God's Word tells us:
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 As Christ followers, we can be sure of the hope we have in Him with our hearts and not so much with our eyes.
And finally, this quote reminds me that life is so short - something that my sweet friends who have met death face to face this week, know all too well. For me it tells me that I have a choice each day, I can sit and wollow over the things that I cannot do any longer or are far too difficult for me these days or I can rejoice in my God the all sufficient grace that He pours down on me each day - in other words I can get busy living. Although it has taken me a while to get to this place, I choose to do just that - LIVE!
We all have so much to give, no matter where our journey in life takes us or the hills and valleys we encounter along the way. I know for me I want to rejoice in the hope of the Lord and allow God to use me in any way He sees fit. And that, my precious friends, is what He wants for you as well. So today, I encourage you to remember that hope is a good, good thing and let us all get busy living!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
I hope you have a good day...
We are hoping against hope...
I hope you feel better soon...
It is almost as if we are using the word hope as our very own wishing well. Just sort of throwing it out there like throwing pennies into a fountain. And if we say it enough - we just might get our wish... or hope as it were.
As a believer in the Lord Jesus, I am so very thankful to know that my hope is not some wish made on a prayer or something that is impersonal and cold. My hope (and yours too, if you know the Lord) is not a thing at all. Our hope is a Person - the person of Jesus.
He is real, tangible, living and wants us to know more than anything that He alone is our HOPE.
I know for me, especially on weeks like this one when I have been sick, had more seizures than I can count and been in great amounts of pain from arthritis, for me to be able to reach out and call on my Savior who died for me so that I could have hope - it is the greatest comfort.
This week 3 precious friends of mine have lost loved ones and it has been very tough on them and their families. Death is always so hard and so final. I am praying for these sweet friends and trusting the Lord to heal their broken hearts. But in all of the grief I know that there is much HOPE. Hope that they will see their beloved one again and hope that they are now resting in the arms of the One who loves them more than they will ever know. They are holding on to the fact that hope is indeed a good thing...
One of my favorite quotes is from the movie, The Shawshank Redemption...
"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies, so get busy living or get busy dying."
As a person with disabilities this speaks volumes to me. First, it says that my hope, my faith, my trust, my belief needs to be sure and steady. And not in myself, my wheelchair, my doctor or even my sweet husband that I love so much - my hope must be eternal, everlasting and unshakable. My hope must be in Christ alone.
Second, it reminds me that hope is precious, a good thing. That the Lord has given to His children to remind them we always have Him to hold on to - the best of things.
Webster's defines hope as: to wish for something with expectation to its fulfillment, to have confidence, trust.
God's Word tells us:
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 As Christ followers, we can be sure of the hope we have in Him with our hearts and not so much with our eyes.
And finally, this quote reminds me that life is so short - something that my sweet friends who have met death face to face this week, know all too well. For me it tells me that I have a choice each day, I can sit and wollow over the things that I cannot do any longer or are far too difficult for me these days or I can rejoice in my God the all sufficient grace that He pours down on me each day - in other words I can get busy living. Although it has taken me a while to get to this place, I choose to do just that - LIVE!
We all have so much to give, no matter where our journey in life takes us or the hills and valleys we encounter along the way. I know for me I want to rejoice in the hope of the Lord and allow God to use me in any way He sees fit. And that, my precious friends, is what He wants for you as well. So today, I encourage you to remember that hope is a good, good thing and let us all get busy living!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Changes on the way...
For those of you who are regular readers of my blog, you may be wondering why I keep changing the background. Well, it is very simple - I can't make up my mind on what I want. I usually make decisions very quickly and easily but as far as this blog goes - not so much!!
This latest background I do like better than the old but it is still not me. I have looked at all the blog background sites and just cannot make up my mind - although I am close!
Bear with me and in the meantime, I hope you like this newest background a little better - if not, more change is coming, I promise!!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
This latest background I do like better than the old but it is still not me. I have looked at all the blog background sites and just cannot make up my mind - although I am close!
Bear with me and in the meantime, I hope you like this newest background a little better - if not, more change is coming, I promise!!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
A Servant's Heart
I have not said that much about my wonderful husband since I started this blog so, I thought today would be a great day to talk about my Stephen.
He is my best friend, soul mate and my very own Prince Charming. It seems like we have been together forever and the more I know about this incredible man, the more I love him.
Over the years, he has had to step into some roles that we never would have anticipated. It has become harder and harder for me to do the things I did so long ago and he has had to come and take my place in those things.
He does all of the washing, the dishes and driving for our family - just to name a few. I have never heard that man complain in 20 years. He absolutely amazes me on a minute by minute basis. His ability to serve our family in such a Christ focused way, even on the days I know he is just about out of steam, always brings me to my knees. And I always think to myself, "Would I be able to do this like him if the tables were turned?" I just don't know, I would like to think so, but the truth is I just don't know...
He has allowed the God that he loves so much to strengthen him every day to that he can serve his family with his whole heart. And I know it has not been easy, to say the least.
For almost the last year he has not only ran his own business but he has had to take on a second job as our family (like many others) has been dealing with financial upheaval in ways we thought were long behind us. I have seen him, over this time, look almost dead on his feet. My heart breaks because I am so limited in ways to help him. But we remain strong in the Lord, knowing He alone will provide for us in all things.
Through it all Stephen always has a smile on his face and is ready to help anyone and everyone who is in need - never thinking of himself.
One of the areas that is difficult for me is having to use the "little girls" room in the middle of the night. I have to have help and of course cannot go alone so, I must wake up my sleeping husband, who may have only been in bed a short while himself. It tares at my heart to do this but, going to the bathroom is just one of those things that will not change - it is true, when you have to go, you have to go.
Every time we have to have this "outing" in the middle of the night, I am greeted with the same words. "It's all right, honey. Whatever you need, I am glad to help you in any way I can." Quite a guy, my husband and one day I would love to be more like him.
I think we can all learn from Stephen in the area of service - I know I have a long way to go but, I am learning. God's Word is very clear on the subject...
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4
I know it will be my great joy to try and emulate my precious husband as he lives out God's Word in serving each day. I pray as we all go through our lives we will strive to be others centered.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
**** A Special Thank You**** I am so very blessed and thankful for all of my readers. Some of you I know as wonderful friends and I love you and thank you for your support of this new area of ministry in which God is leading me. Those of you whom I do not know, I have to say you are also such a treasure to me. Thank you for the sweet comments - I read them all and love them! Thanks for blessing me in untold ways.
He is my best friend, soul mate and my very own Prince Charming. It seems like we have been together forever and the more I know about this incredible man, the more I love him.
Over the years, he has had to step into some roles that we never would have anticipated. It has become harder and harder for me to do the things I did so long ago and he has had to come and take my place in those things.
He does all of the washing, the dishes and driving for our family - just to name a few. I have never heard that man complain in 20 years. He absolutely amazes me on a minute by minute basis. His ability to serve our family in such a Christ focused way, even on the days I know he is just about out of steam, always brings me to my knees. And I always think to myself, "Would I be able to do this like him if the tables were turned?" I just don't know, I would like to think so, but the truth is I just don't know...
He has allowed the God that he loves so much to strengthen him every day to that he can serve his family with his whole heart. And I know it has not been easy, to say the least.
For almost the last year he has not only ran his own business but he has had to take on a second job as our family (like many others) has been dealing with financial upheaval in ways we thought were long behind us. I have seen him, over this time, look almost dead on his feet. My heart breaks because I am so limited in ways to help him. But we remain strong in the Lord, knowing He alone will provide for us in all things.
Through it all Stephen always has a smile on his face and is ready to help anyone and everyone who is in need - never thinking of himself.
One of the areas that is difficult for me is having to use the "little girls" room in the middle of the night. I have to have help and of course cannot go alone so, I must wake up my sleeping husband, who may have only been in bed a short while himself. It tares at my heart to do this but, going to the bathroom is just one of those things that will not change - it is true, when you have to go, you have to go.
Every time we have to have this "outing" in the middle of the night, I am greeted with the same words. "It's all right, honey. Whatever you need, I am glad to help you in any way I can." Quite a guy, my husband and one day I would love to be more like him.
I think we can all learn from Stephen in the area of service - I know I have a long way to go but, I am learning. God's Word is very clear on the subject...
"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4
I know it will be my great joy to try and emulate my precious husband as he lives out God's Word in serving each day. I pray as we all go through our lives we will strive to be others centered.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
**** A Special Thank You**** I am so very blessed and thankful for all of my readers. Some of you I know as wonderful friends and I love you and thank you for your support of this new area of ministry in which God is leading me. Those of you whom I do not know, I have to say you are also such a treasure to me. Thank you for the sweet comments - I read them all and love them! Thanks for blessing me in untold ways.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Wonderful Day...
Yesterday I spoke at our church's MOMS group. What an incredible group of women of all ages - I was truly amazed.
The first speaker was one of the Titus Moms who spoke on the book the group is currently reading, she was VERY good and I was quite intimidated to follow her! A few minutes after she spoke, it was my turn and I think I did fine. I know one thing for certain though, these precious women blessed me far more than I could have blessed them and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share what the Lord has done and is still doing in my life. It really is overwhelming to me that anyone would want to sit to listen to anything I have to say. I am grateful beyond words to the Lord for giving me the words to speak and the calm heart that I needed to speak them. I pray that the ladies were blessed and praise God for the whole experience - to God be the glory!
They all were very gracious, loving and so welcoming - I felt like I had been apart of the group all along! Thank you to my sweet friends Melissa and Michelle for asking me to speak - you are both wonderful women of God and I treasure you both!
On a side note though, I had planned to take a couple of pictures and post them but, as always, I forgot the camera! For someone who loves to scrapbook as much as I do, I sure leave home without the camera more times than not - maybe next time.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
The first speaker was one of the Titus Moms who spoke on the book the group is currently reading, she was VERY good and I was quite intimidated to follow her! A few minutes after she spoke, it was my turn and I think I did fine. I know one thing for certain though, these precious women blessed me far more than I could have blessed them and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share what the Lord has done and is still doing in my life. It really is overwhelming to me that anyone would want to sit to listen to anything I have to say. I am grateful beyond words to the Lord for giving me the words to speak and the calm heart that I needed to speak them. I pray that the ladies were blessed and praise God for the whole experience - to God be the glory!
They all were very gracious, loving and so welcoming - I felt like I had been apart of the group all along! Thank you to my sweet friends Melissa and Michelle for asking me to speak - you are both wonderful women of God and I treasure you both!
On a side note though, I had planned to take a couple of pictures and post them but, as always, I forgot the camera! For someone who loves to scrapbook as much as I do, I sure leave home without the camera more times than not - maybe next time.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Sunday, January 24, 2010
MOMS
Tomorrow is the day!! I will be speaking at our MOMS group in the morning. Please pray for me tomorrow morning as I share. Pray for a calm heart, right words and most of all that the ladies there would not even notice me but would only see and hear the work and power of the Lord.
Thanks to all of my precious readers for praying and supporting me in this new area of ministry. I have no idea where the Lord wants to take me but I am willing to follow...
I will post an update later in the week.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Thanks to all of my precious readers for praying and supporting me in this new area of ministry. I have no idea where the Lord wants to take me but I am willing to follow...
I will post an update later in the week.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Short and Sweet...
This week I will have only this one short and sweet post. I have been asked to speak at our church's MOMS (Mothers of Many Seasons) group, I will be giving my testimony and speaking on "Knowing the Lord in hard times" so, I will need this week to prepare. I will be speaking next Monday, the 25th.
Please pray for me this week. Ask the Lord to give me wisdom and a calm heart,(I am a bundle of nerves). Also, and most importantly, pray that God will be honored and glorified in all that I say.
The next time I post I will let everyone know how it went... unless it goes awful, in that case I will never speak of it again! Have a blessed week as you walk with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Please pray for me this week. Ask the Lord to give me wisdom and a calm heart,(I am a bundle of nerves). Also, and most importantly, pray that God will be honored and glorified in all that I say.
The next time I post I will let everyone know how it went... unless it goes awful, in that case I will never speak of it again! Have a blessed week as you walk with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Cry to the Lord
Several years ago I went through a time of depression over the losses in my life and the hardship of being disabled. Times like these come and go and I am happy to say that they do not plague me as often as they used to - praise God.
As I was going through this valley, I began to have a warped view of crying and decided there would be no more tears from me at all. So, this blog post is for all those who think they must be strong at all times and never shed a tear - the Lord taught me so much during this time and I pray He will use this to do the same with you.
So, that was it - no more tears, I just thought I would go through the rest of my life with pain, heartache, losses and disability without ever having any true emotion about it again. For those of you who know me best, this was almost impossible because I have a VERY tender heart and cry over almost everything - something I inherited from my tender-hearted mother and for which I am so thankful.
But back then I was determined to be tough, I thought I had cried enough. This is a journal entry from that time and my thinking on the whole crying thing:
"I feel really awful today and I have continued to have more and more seizures which has not helped anything. I could sit and cry for hours - that is how intense the pain is in my heart today. But, I have decided that I am not going to cry - and I didn't all day. It took everything in me - but no tears. With all the hurt, disease, cancer, people who can't see, hear, have no arms or legs... how dare I sit and cry over my few seizures and loss of mobility. Please Lord, help me through this time and allow me be be strong."
A few days later God had me in the Psalms - I know I have said this before but that is the place to be if you are facing a trial. He began to show me how David and the other Psalmists CRIED, but they had purpose in their crying. They cried out to their Mighty and Loving God.
I learned during this season that God already knows how my heart is aching, He knows every thought I have ever had - He is never surprised at what might come out of my mouth or cross my mind. He just wants me to bring all of that to Him so that He can bring me the peace and comfort that can only come from him. The tears can be healing, IF they are cried out to my Savior, leaning on Him and realizing that I need Him alone to see me through.
If you are in need of a good cry but think you have to stay strong in all things, allow the Word of God to penetrate your heart today:
"But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts my up head. I cried to the Lord with my voice and He heard me from His holy hill." Psalm 3:3-4
"Hear me when I call O God of my righteousness. You have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1
"Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Give heed to the voice of my cry, my King and my God. For to you I will pray, my voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning I will direct it to You and I will look up." Psalm 5:1-3
"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears." Psalm 18:6
Those are only a few examples and I don't know about you but it makes me want to jump out of my skin to think that the God of the Universe hears MY voice and it comes straight to His ears. What we say and how we feel matters to God. I pray today if your heart is bleeding and you just can't take the pain anymore, sit and cry with the God who loves you more than you will ever know. God doesn't want us to be tough, he wants to have a relationship with us and to hold us in His loving Hand - allow Him to comfort your soul.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
As I was going through this valley, I began to have a warped view of crying and decided there would be no more tears from me at all. So, this blog post is for all those who think they must be strong at all times and never shed a tear - the Lord taught me so much during this time and I pray He will use this to do the same with you.
So, that was it - no more tears, I just thought I would go through the rest of my life with pain, heartache, losses and disability without ever having any true emotion about it again. For those of you who know me best, this was almost impossible because I have a VERY tender heart and cry over almost everything - something I inherited from my tender-hearted mother and for which I am so thankful.
But back then I was determined to be tough, I thought I had cried enough. This is a journal entry from that time and my thinking on the whole crying thing:
"I feel really awful today and I have continued to have more and more seizures which has not helped anything. I could sit and cry for hours - that is how intense the pain is in my heart today. But, I have decided that I am not going to cry - and I didn't all day. It took everything in me - but no tears. With all the hurt, disease, cancer, people who can't see, hear, have no arms or legs... how dare I sit and cry over my few seizures and loss of mobility. Please Lord, help me through this time and allow me be be strong."
A few days later God had me in the Psalms - I know I have said this before but that is the place to be if you are facing a trial. He began to show me how David and the other Psalmists CRIED, but they had purpose in their crying. They cried out to their Mighty and Loving God.
I learned during this season that God already knows how my heart is aching, He knows every thought I have ever had - He is never surprised at what might come out of my mouth or cross my mind. He just wants me to bring all of that to Him so that He can bring me the peace and comfort that can only come from him. The tears can be healing, IF they are cried out to my Savior, leaning on Him and realizing that I need Him alone to see me through.
If you are in need of a good cry but think you have to stay strong in all things, allow the Word of God to penetrate your heart today:
"But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts my up head. I cried to the Lord with my voice and He heard me from His holy hill." Psalm 3:3-4
"Hear me when I call O God of my righteousness. You have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1
"Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Give heed to the voice of my cry, my King and my God. For to you I will pray, my voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning I will direct it to You and I will look up." Psalm 5:1-3
"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears." Psalm 18:6
Those are only a few examples and I don't know about you but it makes me want to jump out of my skin to think that the God of the Universe hears MY voice and it comes straight to His ears. What we say and how we feel matters to God. I pray today if your heart is bleeding and you just can't take the pain anymore, sit and cry with the God who loves you more than you will ever know. God doesn't want us to be tough, he wants to have a relationship with us and to hold us in His loving Hand - allow Him to comfort your soul.
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Monday, January 11, 2010
Mistakes and Mercy
Saturday I lost my temper with my wonderful husband of 20 years. It was nothing serious, just one of those things that rubbed me the wrong way and before you knew it I had taken on an attitude that was very contrary to the Christ I follow.
I was angry, unpleasant and rude. My heart breaks now just thinking about it - I hate it when I am rude. It does upset me because of the way that I treated the man that I love so much and that I know God has given me as the perfect provision for my life, this is true, but mostly I get upset over times like this because I have offended my God. I have chosen to step out of the Christian skin I wear each day and become ugly - not consulting the Lord on anything, just letting all the wrong words fly out of my mouth.
I tend to carry moments like this with me for a long while, making it even worse and giving Satan the opportunity to work in my mind. Oh yes, he throws all kinds of things at us when we are not looking! He began to try to convince me that I was a horrible wife, and for that matter a horrible person - lies flooded my mind about how my walk with the Lord was completely compromised because of this disagreement with Stephen.If no one has ever told you, let me be the first, our minds are a battlefield!
I am always amazed at the mercy of God - and the timing. In the midst of all my thinking and self loathing God broke through...
Roxanne, I am your Redeemer God and forgiveness is yours. I love you no matter what.
I am overwhelmed at the greatness of God. That He would take time to come down to where I am and remind ME, a sinner for sure, that He loves me and will once again forgive me and close that gap (that I created!) between He and I. Isn't God good?
So, as I write this today I am reminded of how big God is and how small I am. He is bigger than my sin, my attitude and any kind of thinking about myself that I could ever dish up... and He will again choose to forgive, it is almost too much for my little pea sized brain to grasp.
Thankful today for the mercy of Almighty God and praying for you, my sweet readers, that wherever you are in your walk with the Lord, that you will remember that He loves you so much and is ready to forgive whatever gap you might have created.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
I was angry, unpleasant and rude. My heart breaks now just thinking about it - I hate it when I am rude. It does upset me because of the way that I treated the man that I love so much and that I know God has given me as the perfect provision for my life, this is true, but mostly I get upset over times like this because I have offended my God. I have chosen to step out of the Christian skin I wear each day and become ugly - not consulting the Lord on anything, just letting all the wrong words fly out of my mouth.
I tend to carry moments like this with me for a long while, making it even worse and giving Satan the opportunity to work in my mind. Oh yes, he throws all kinds of things at us when we are not looking! He began to try to convince me that I was a horrible wife, and for that matter a horrible person - lies flooded my mind about how my walk with the Lord was completely compromised because of this disagreement with Stephen.If no one has ever told you, let me be the first, our minds are a battlefield!
I am always amazed at the mercy of God - and the timing. In the midst of all my thinking and self loathing God broke through...
Roxanne, I am your Redeemer God and forgiveness is yours. I love you no matter what.
I am overwhelmed at the greatness of God. That He would take time to come down to where I am and remind ME, a sinner for sure, that He loves me and will once again forgive me and close that gap (that I created!) between He and I. Isn't God good?
So, as I write this today I am reminded of how big God is and how small I am. He is bigger than my sin, my attitude and any kind of thinking about myself that I could ever dish up... and He will again choose to forgive, it is almost too much for my little pea sized brain to grasp.
Thankful today for the mercy of Almighty God and praying for you, my sweet readers, that wherever you are in your walk with the Lord, that you will remember that He loves you so much and is ready to forgive whatever gap you might have created.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
But for a moment
This past week has been a tough one for me. Lots of seizures, including a fall. But most of all it has been the little things, the things that no one else sees or knows about. Just me and God.
Things like not being able to move fast enough, get the things that are just out of my reach or getting stuck in areas with my wheelchair - that is REALLY frustrating!
These are the little issues of life that make me want to get up and move like most everybody else. And this week has been heaps and heaps of tiny things like this that reek havoc on my emotions.
Being a disabled person, I tend to think about Heaven a lot. Not just because I will have a glorified body that works perfectly - although that is a big plus. I also tend to think about what it will be like to see my Jesus face to face, to worship at His feet and sing endless praise songs to Him. What a day that will be!! But until then, I am here dealing with the hardships of life just like everyone else.
When I have days and weeks that almost overwhelm me - like this last week. I am so thankful that I can drag myself, (once again) bloody and bruised to the foot of the Cross. Jesus will again pick me up, clean me off and speak words of life to me that I so need to hear.
I have several Words of Life that comfort and minister to me on my hardest days, I pray they will do the same for you as you struggle or your heart is breaking. Just remember, if you know Jesus, this world we live in is just a pit stop on the way to our Heavenly Home - that thought alone should make us all rejoice a little louder today.
First nugget of truth... Romans 8:18 "For I consider the sufferings of this present time not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us"
I love this verse. It speaks volumes to me. NOTHING that we go through in this life even comes close to the majesty and glory of walking hand in hand with our Savior. Sign me up - I am ready right now!
Next nugget... 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction is but for a moment, which is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
I also love this verse. God has used it so many times to bring me back to His perspective, reminding me that not only is He working in me for my good and His glory . But also what He is doing may be unseen but it is eternal, never ending and glorious.
Last nugget... James 1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
I know at first glance it sounds crazy to be joyful for the trials in our life but this is a God way of thinking that only He can accomplish. It has taken me many, many years to be joyful in my sufferings - and there are still lots of days that I am not. But I have decided to choose joy because it honors the Lord - and I want to be perfect, lacking nothing. This does not mean perfect as in never making a mistake, it means that I am allowing God to work in and through me daily to make me more like Him. Believe me there is nothing I want more than that!
So, as always it all comes down to Jesus. I am becoming more like Him each day as I learn to struggle with grace and the mind of Christ. Thank you Lord for hard weeks that bring me back to You!
"Only in suffering do we learn to fully delight in God's goodness." - Martin Luther
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
Things like not being able to move fast enough, get the things that are just out of my reach or getting stuck in areas with my wheelchair - that is REALLY frustrating!
These are the little issues of life that make me want to get up and move like most everybody else. And this week has been heaps and heaps of tiny things like this that reek havoc on my emotions.
Being a disabled person, I tend to think about Heaven a lot. Not just because I will have a glorified body that works perfectly - although that is a big plus. I also tend to think about what it will be like to see my Jesus face to face, to worship at His feet and sing endless praise songs to Him. What a day that will be!! But until then, I am here dealing with the hardships of life just like everyone else.
When I have days and weeks that almost overwhelm me - like this last week. I am so thankful that I can drag myself, (once again) bloody and bruised to the foot of the Cross. Jesus will again pick me up, clean me off and speak words of life to me that I so need to hear.
I have several Words of Life that comfort and minister to me on my hardest days, I pray they will do the same for you as you struggle or your heart is breaking. Just remember, if you know Jesus, this world we live in is just a pit stop on the way to our Heavenly Home - that thought alone should make us all rejoice a little louder today.
First nugget of truth... Romans 8:18 "For I consider the sufferings of this present time not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us"
I love this verse. It speaks volumes to me. NOTHING that we go through in this life even comes close to the majesty and glory of walking hand in hand with our Savior. Sign me up - I am ready right now!
Next nugget... 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction is but for a moment, which is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
I also love this verse. God has used it so many times to bring me back to His perspective, reminding me that not only is He working in me for my good and His glory . But also what He is doing may be unseen but it is eternal, never ending and glorious.
Last nugget... James 1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
I know at first glance it sounds crazy to be joyful for the trials in our life but this is a God way of thinking that only He can accomplish. It has taken me many, many years to be joyful in my sufferings - and there are still lots of days that I am not. But I have decided to choose joy because it honors the Lord - and I want to be perfect, lacking nothing. This does not mean perfect as in never making a mistake, it means that I am allowing God to work in and through me daily to make me more like Him. Believe me there is nothing I want more than that!
So, as always it all comes down to Jesus. I am becoming more like Him each day as I learn to struggle with grace and the mind of Christ. Thank you Lord for hard weeks that bring me back to You!
"Only in suffering do we learn to fully delight in God's goodness." - Martin Luther
Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne
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