It is Never Unreasonable...

Although these are not my words, I feel it could not be said any better. This is from yesterday's update on the "Joni and Friends" website. I have said many times how I love Joni Eareckson Tada. She does not know who I am or anything about me but she has been my teacher and mentor about biblical suffering for many years now. Her words here are the prayer and heart cry of my life!

"Last Friday I was giving someone a quick tour of my art studio, when I caught him admiring a small green candy dish on the shelf. Colored with poster paint and glazed, it was the obvious work of a child. Well, a 17-year-old child. I explained that it was the first thing I'd ever painted holding brushes between my teeth; it was 1967, the week before Christmas in occupational therapy, and I was glad I could at least smear paint on a ceramic candy dish as a present for my parents.

That first Christmas in the hospital was hard. The way I saw it, God was asking way too much of me. Not only was the use of my body taken away at Christmas time, but also the joy of giving 'normal' gifts. Nothing was right; everything was wrong. By the next Christmas, however, my heart softened. Maybe I am concentrating too much on what God is asking of me and not enough on what he’s given me. Was accepting a broken body unreasonable? Of course not. He gave more than everything. As Romans 8 says, "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all -- how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Things like peace that's profound. A settled soul. Rock-solid contentment. It happened then, and it has happened again. Especially now, this Christmas, what with so many recent hospital visits still fresh in my memory and Ken's."

Last Sunday our pastor said, "When the angels appeared over Bethlehem, theirs wasn't a lullaby, it was a battle cry." He's right. The birth of Christ may have ended the enmity between God and man with the announcement, "Peace on earth and goodwill toward men," but our adversary, the devil, only sneered at the peace-offering in the manger that night. It only heightened his war against God and His people -- Herod's slaughter of innocent babies in Bethlehem only proved it. And 2000 years later, the war is still raging. So friend, join me on the front lines. Nothing God ever asks of you is 'unreasonable.' It's why I pray that this Christmas week, no matter what your affliction, you'll find peace, once again, in celebrating all that the Father has graciously given us in His Son, our Savior. What a glorious and generous gift!

What a generous gift indeed! Merry Christmas to all!!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Come, Let Us Adore HIM!

Christmas is here once again! If you are anything like me, this is the best time of year - I love Christmas and I always have. Such a wonderful time in the life of a Christian, time to reflect on what Jesus' birth means to all of us. It is so much more than the celebration of His birth, it is a time to rejoice in what He came to Earth to do in the first place. He came to die a horrible death for all of us, to save us from our sins. Even in the manger so long ago God knew this was the plan.

I am overjoyed that Jesus chose to die for me (and you!) so long ago - after all, who am I that the God of the Universe should give me a second thought. But He did! He loves us all more than we could ever possibly conceive. I pray that in the coming year, you will grow closer to Him than ever before, (by the way, I am praying that for myself as well) I pray you will be strengthened and stretched in your faith as never before. I also pray that God will use you to honor Him however He thinks is best.

So, this Christmas may you all feel the love, joy and peace that only comes from knowing the Lord. As you bake, shop, mail Christmas cards, exchange gifts and spend time with your precious families; don't forget the most precious gift of all is the Lord Jesus - take time to exalt, praise and worship Him. After all, as my good friend, Linus Van Pelt says, "That's what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown."

Merry Christmas and God Bless all of you in the New Year!

Rejoicing in Christmas Hope,
Roxanne

"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; you will find the baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. Suddenly a great company of heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests." Luke 2:11-14

A Hard Spot and a Very Big God

Over the past few weeks I have found myself in a tough spot. Longing, even craving for the freedoms I no longer have due to my physical disabilities. Each time I stand or walk for a brief time, I find myself loving it so much and wanting it to last forever. To be quite honest, I have lost something that I hold very dear - the ability to be content in my circumstances.

For many years now I have been praying very diligently for one thing: to be content and filled with joy no matter what comes my way or how difficult my days might be. I can't tell you how important this is to me - living day to day in the joy and absolute contentment of the God that holds me so tenderly. I can rationalize this all I want, it's been an extremely hard year for me, my circumstances are hard - why not feel bad about it once and a while and a list of a thousand other things. But the truth is I have lost sight (temporarily) of what matters most and what the Lord has called me to.

Several years ago I became keenly aware of the fact that I have been called to a ministry of suffering. Before you think I have lost my mind, let me be very clear. I know very well that our Great and Mighty God is able and still heals today and if He chooses that for me I will rejoice, but, for now this is where I am and I want my life to honor Him no matter what.

With all that said, I have taken my eyes off of that great calling in the last couple of weeks. I have forgotten that walking is not the most important thing, that Jesus is all I need and that I should rejoice in hope at all times. Life is just sometimes very hard and I become overwhelmed with all the difficulties every now and then - I am thankful that God knows this and loves me in spite of my sin and shortcomings.

So, today I am writing not only to confess where I have failed but to say that God has renewed me and brought me back to the place I need and long to be.

I am blessed to know (once again) that God is so very faithful and He is indeed all I need. My circumstances are hard and sometimes they overwhelm me to the point that I can't breathe. But through it all - God is bigger and His grace is most sufficient. I am overjoyed to again remember that Almighty God is leading me down this path for His glory and my good - that alone makes it all worth it.

Thank You Lord Jesus for again reminding me of what it's all about and drawing me closer to You. As my wonderful mentor and hero in the faith, Joni Eareckson Tada says, "God allows what He hates to achieve what He loves." He hates the sorrow and hardship that his children face but he loves when those very things bring us closer to Him so that we may be more like Him. Praying I will not soon forget this.

Rejoicing in Great Hope,
Roxanne

"My hope comes from God, He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress. I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:5-6

Shingles, Seizures and Other Stuff...

It has been a lifetime since I have posted - at least that is how it feels. I have had several things going on that have slowed me down in the past six weeks.

In early October I came down with the shingles. If you have never had it, pray you never get it. It was most painful and lasted 14 days for me. I am very happy to report that I am fully recovered - Praise the Lord!

I have also continued to have staggering numbers where seizures are concerned. My last seizure free day was October 30th. I continue to look to my Jesus to sustain me and as as always, He does that and more.

November is Epilepsy Awareness Month and I am asking everyone to pray for all those who suffer from seizures and for a cure. Epilepsy continues to be very neglected in research and funding but I am hopeful that will change. God is bigger than all sickness and disease and He is able!

The other big issue going on with me is I just found out my hormones are way out of balance and I have started early menopause. I have been dealing with many symptoms for a few years now but 2 weeks ago I had some blood work done, we were a little surprised at just how "out of whack" my hormones are. The words my doctor used are "severely deficient" and "numbers dipping way down into menopause levels." All we can say is no wonder I have been feeling so rotten! I have started hormone replacement therapy and I am praying this new regiment of meds will help in many ways!

We have had some wonderful blessings occur in the past 6 weeks as well. Stephen and I celebrated 21 years of marriage on October 28. I am so honored to have shared half my life with this amazing man. Thank you Lord for allowing Stephen to pick me so many years ago.

Josh began 7th grade at our wonderful Providence Classical School - he is officially in Upper School and doing great. It is almost unbelievable to see how much he is growing and changing - 13 years have just flown by. He also attended his first Jr. Cotillion and is having a great time doing it with all his buddies.

As we approach the Thanksgiving holidays, I find myself being so humbled and honored to be on this journey in which God has called me. I am so very thankful to share in the sufferings of my Lord, "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, conformed to His death." Phil. 3:10. I am thankful that Christ has allowed me to know Him better, depend on Him with all I have and be conformed to His likeness through the avenue of suffering. It is not easy and sometimes it is so overwhelming that it almost takes my breath, but the grace that covers and sustains me leaves me speechless - except to stammer out once again, "thank you Jesus."

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thes. 5:18

Just Another Sunday....

A few Sunday's ago Josh came down to meet us in "big church" as he does every week. My mom radar was in high gear that day and I noticed he just wasn't himself - he just looked odd to me. I asked him if anything was wrong, he said, "not really" but I knew something was up. I asked him again and he told me, "I got some drastic news today" - this is teenage speak for something big and not so good that just happened. He was having such a hard time getting out the words when it hit me what the "something drastic" was. So, I came out and asked him, "Is Jared moving?" He looked stunned, "How in the world did you know that?" "I'm your mom, its my job to know."

Jared is one of Josh's very best friends, they have known each other since the first grade - we love Jared, he is in and out of our house all the time. Nothing is better than when your children have true, wonderful friends.

Josh was and still is, heartbroken. As I looked at him sitting next to me in church, he seemed so little. My thirteen year old son who is now shaving and taller than me looked about 2 years old again. I could picture him sitting there, thumb in mouth and blue blankie in hand for security. At this moment - like any good mother who loves her child more than life, I lost it.

I really don't think there is anything worse than seeing your children hurt. And in that moment, I was just overcome with sorrow for my sweet Josh. I wish I could say I only cried a little and was really lady-like about it but that is just not the case. Every emotion and all the pain I have been dealing with for the past 6 or so months came crashing down around me. Every seizure, the struggle with the medication that has made me so very sick since mid April, the grief I have felt every day since Maw-Maw went to be with the Lord in July and now this - like a flood it all just washed over me.

After a few minutes, I tried to compose myself. I cried out to the Lord and asked Him how much more can we take? God, in His mercy, love and wisdom was quick to remind me He was there holding me once again. I was then reminded of one of my favorite Scriptures, one that the Lord gave to me so long ago on another hard day - the day I surrendered to my wheelchair full time.

"And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

God in His sovereignty helped me see once again, that nothing that could ever happen could take Him by surprise. He will always go before me and be the Light for my path - and He will do the same for Josh as he misses his friend.

So today, I want to encourage all of you who may feel like you just can't take another hard blow - God is in it with you, He is walking before you and will never leave you. Be strong in Him and allow your faith to grow and your hope to stretch. If we can't see the Lord in the hard times, we won't see Him when times are good either. Either way He alone is God!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

The Medicine Dance

For the past 25 years I have had numerous dance partners, mind you they have all been the different types of seizure medications that I have tried and tried again in hopes of finding one to control the many seizures that plague me almost daily. When one doesn't work we move on down the line to the next one - just like
the "Stag" line in the dances they have on the Andy Griffith Show.

Trying medication is hard, one of the hardest things I have to do and the novelty wore off a long time ago for me. There are so many wonderful friends that I have that get so excited for me each time I try a new med (or re-try as the case may be) and I love them for their enthusiasm but it is truly something after all these years that I have come to dislike greatly.

Each time I try something new, I have a litany of things going through my mind:

What are the side effects? I am sensitive to EVERY medication that has ever been made, what will the reaction be? Nausea, Toxicity, rash, something else... Will I be able to get past the side effects to even see if there is a chance this will work?...

"Don't get your hopes up... It is only medication, I know my true hope is in the Lord. We have been down this road before..."

"It is working, I have had a few seizure free weeks... could this be it?"

"It is not working at all... one more time, one more medicine? Will anything ever help?"

It is really hard not to get my hopes up when I try something new (or again) but I am training myself to just give it to the Lord and stay content where I am - no matter where that may be. God has been teaching me to be content in my physical circumstances - I am a slow learner but I am growing.

I have been doing the "medicine dance" for about 8 months now with 2 different meds and it is safe to say they have not been good dance partners at all. This has been such a hard year but I am clinging to the Lord and trusting Him to provide me with wisdom and cover me with grace - He always does His part.

For the past five months I have given more than a fair chance to the Zonegran I am trying for the second time. Nausea and toxicity have been close friends (or should I say enemies) of mine!I have tried to increase this med three times over the five months with no success and frustration and heartbreak don't begin to cover it at this point - my emotions are raw and I am worn and weary from feeling so crummy all the time.

Stephen and I have decided to give this medication one last try, so, on Sept. 20th I will try to increase once again. If I react negativity I will stop it for good and find another med for me to try - another dance partner, maybe this one will be the one to make it all the way around the floor! I am hopeful.

I covet your prayers for me at this time, please know it means everything to me to know you are praying. I know that the Lord sees the BIG picture here including what I am unable to see. I give it all to Him - even the hurt, disappointment and bad days. He is God and I know He is in control. I will continue to praise Him and give Him glory in all things for He is my hope!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Being Held...

This is the longest I have gone without writing and I have missed it. The past month has been a tough one for me, I am still adjusting to life without my Maw - Maw and I must say some days have just almost overwhelmed me with how much I miss her. I am still mourning a lot and I know that will take some time. The Lord has been so good to me and I have truly felt His presence in an awesome and powerful way. It is so amazing that when you are feeling so empty, He is there to fill you once again.

I have also had several tough weeks physically. A few weeks with seizures and this week I increased my new seizure medication in hopes of seeing some seizure free days only to have a toxic reaction, I have had several days of being very dizzy and light-headed. This medicine has been frustrating, to say the least, it seems like we take one step forward only to get knocked back two.

Again, I find great comfort that my God is a defender of the weak and He gives power to those who need strength. I am being held by that wonderful and awesome truth right now. God is so good and I am always in awe of how He loves me - and you!

I often get asked how I can smile and look so happy when I am dealing with so much. For the record, here is my answer: I am a quivering mass of jelly every day, I cry, I hurt and some days even get mad but, in the end I am carried in the mighty Arms of my Savior - knowing He carries me and gives me security like nothing I can describe. I am safe in His Arms and I know that everything that happens in my life, good or not so good, is first filtered through His mighty Hands. So, it is all God's grace behind the smile - thank you Lord!

Rejoicing and "Being Held" In Hope,
Roxanne

Maw-Maw

Yesterday I did something I have been dreading for some time now. I went to my sweet Maw-Maw's funeral and it was so much harder than I ever thought it would be.
She has been going downhill for over a year now but the last few months have been the worst and over the last couple of weeks we knew she did not have long.

Early Saturday morning Stephen, Josh and I got in the car and drove to Austin where she had been living with my Aunt. I had prepared myself as much as I could, but no one can really be prepared for things like this. She had been moved to a Hospice facility the day before we got there and they had already said she wouldn't make it through the weekend. My heart shattered when I walked in and saw my grandma, who had always been so strong and cooked three meals a day for as long as I can remember, look so weak and like no one I knew at all. With her family surrounding her,she went to be with the Lord at 4:20 Saturday afternoon. We rejoice in the fact that she is not suffering anymore and that she is standing in the presence of Holy God - and as my family has been saying all week, "if there is a kitchen in Heaven, she is already cooking and baking as much as she can."

But I have to admit I am feeling so many other things and this has been one of the most difficult weeks I can remember in my life. Memories are flooding my mind and I am so thankful for the rich, Italian history full of tradition in which I was raised. I am blessed to have spent countless summers, and times with Maw-Maw. I will always remember Hershey bars in the refrigerator - she taught me this was the best way to eat them, pancakes on Friday mornings, pasta on Sunday's, trips to Austin with no less than three desserts that she made and every Christmas Eve at her house - that is a memory that will live in my heart forever.

The memories are so sweet but last night after four days of crying and not being able to really control that emotion, I realized I am feeling something else. I am grieving. Maw-maw has died and I feel like part of me has died as well. I have lost other people in my life - even other grandparents. I'm not exactly sure why this is so hard, except that she was my last grandparent and been with me the longest. I feel as though my childhood door has just slammed shut, never to be opened again. Now I know this is a little ridiculous coming from a 42 year old woman but I guess as long as Maw-Maw was living I still had a hold on that childhood.

One thing I have come to realize over the past few days is there is no formula for grief. There is no right or wrong, no appropriate duration. It is what it is... grief. So, I will continue to cry and be heartbroken, and remember Maw-Maw and I will also continue to know that as a Christian, I have hope, even in the midst of deep sorrow.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

25 Years of Grace...

Twenty five years ago today I had my very first seizure. I used to dread July 21st because it meant one more year of a life that I thought I would never have. And there is still some truth to that - I would have never imagined that my life would be as it is today. Seizures almost every day,being on every seizure medicine there is and not getting help from any of them,loss of my independence and mobility, using a wheelchair by the age of 39 - my head just spins thinking about it.

Yes, while all of these things are true and still hard to swallow some days, I know that my Jesus has taught me priceless lessons over the past 25 years that I don't ever think I could put into sufficient words.

The most priceless thing God has taught me (and I think I have finally learned it!) is that there is tremendous spiritual weight and value in suffering. You can learn things during times of crisis, that, if you allow them to (that is the key) they will drive you to the very heart of Almighty God. There is no place like that in the world! I would love to say I am in that place all the time, I am not, but God in His grace continues to love me and lead me back there more and more. As Voddie Baucham says, "Trials enable people to rise above religion to God." Such truth in that - religion is wonderful but only the Living God of the Bible can walk you down the darkest journey you thought you would never see.

So, today as one more year passes for me in this "new normal" I am focusing on all that the Lord has done and will do for me. I am blessed beyond words to be able, after all these many years, to know that I know the suffering I am enduring today is working in me a far exceeding and eternal weight of glory - all of this may be unseen but it is the unseen things that have the most eternal value. I praise God for that.

I will also continue to trust my God, Who is bigger than all of my suffering. He will continue to hold me, shelter me and lead me as I follow Him. I give my Jesus all the praise and glory for every minute, good and bad, of the last 25 years and I praise Him for the next 25, knowing He is in control.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, The Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable, He gives power to the weak. And to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall. But those who wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Rejoicing in 25 years of Hope,
Roxanne

Rain

It rained at my house most of last week - a byproduct of the hurricanes in the Gulf. The endless rain was a reminder to me of the mercy and grace that God endlessly pours down over all of us each day - like a gentle shower.

God is so good to continue to give just what we need. A lot like a good rain. The mercy and grace that comes from the Lord just pours over our souls and whets our hearts, it draws us closer to Him and helps us to see the Living God as Provider, Keeper, Maker and Healer of all that we are.

This is where I have been lately, being so sick from the nausea and side effects of my latest seizure medicine. I have felt the grace and mercy of Almighty God not only holding me but pouring over my heart and telling me over and over again, "My grace is sufficient for you and My power is made perfect in your weakness." (Paraphrased from 2 Cor. 12:9-10)

So, as just about everyone has gotten sick of the rain over the past week, I have enjoyed to sit, watch and allow the Lord to speak to me through splashing water on my windows - He is so good!

I have had a lot of seizures this past week and I am still battling this nausea. I am more than thankful for all of my wonderful Prayer Warriors - you mean everything to me, God Bless You! I am resting in the Lord knowing He is my strength and the Anchor of my soul.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

The Latest

I am not sure where the last week and a half have gone, it seems like an eternity since I have written and I have missed it. I have had a hard time keeping up with my normal routine lately due to some side effects I have been having from a seizure medicine I am trying.

This latest chapter all began back in April when Stephen and I decided that it might be a good idea to explore some of the meds I have already tried - I have been on everything (some things a few times) and there is nothing new for now. We thought some of the drugs I tried in the past may be worth re-visiting again, you never know how a medicine may work a second or third time around. So, on April 14th I began a medication that I was on about 10 years ago.

The outcome for my seizure activity has been very good and I give all the praise and glory to my Jesus, who holds my heart and my hand on this long journey each day. There are, however, two very difficult side effects that I am struggling with daily. The first being severe and often debilitating nausea. There is just no other way to put it, it has been horrible. I am sick most of the time and just praying my way through my day - God has been very good to remind me that when I am weak, He is strong.

The second of the side effects is a very powerful appetite suppressant. I am just really never hungry and have already lost 10 pounds (not complaining about that) but just feeling sick and not eating for three months takes a toll on a body.

We are believing God for the side effects to completely subside so that I will be able to increase the dosage of the medicine and for a continued increase in seizure free days. I am asking you, my sweet friends and readers to believe and pray with us. I can't even remember the last time I had this many seizure free days and my heart leaps for joy to think it could increase.

I also covet your prayers over my emotions. It is easy for me to become frustrated in times when I never feel well and I am just riding this roller coaster over and over again. But, I stand against frustration and doubt, knowing that nothing comes to me (or any of us) without first being filtered through the Father's Hand. I choose to be content in all of the difficult times and lean harder on the Lord - He is enough.

Thank you for lifting me before the Father. I am standing on Psalm 62:1-2 "Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense, I shall not be greatly be moved." Thank you for standing with me!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Everyday Life

I have heard one question quite a bit the last several years, "How do you function everyday?" People are always very curious how someone who has almost daily seizures does "the little things... the routine things."

I thought I would take this opportunity to share a little bit of how my day goes, how I get things done and the way in which I do some of the things of everyday life.

My day starts probably a lot like yours, just wanting five more minutes of precious sleep! Stephen gets up first, which allows me about two or three minutes to pray. I take this time because I know the day will be a challenge and sometimes I think. "O Lord another day! How will I make it through? More seizures, more limitations, more side effects from new seizure meds I am trying - God give me the strength." He always does and He also reminds me that I am not in this alone. I wait for Stephen to help me out of bed, we have a bed that is high and requires steps to get in and out of, something I obviously cannot do alone, due to seizures and safety. I cannot remember the last time I climbed in or out of bed by myself.

Stephen sticks pretty close by me while we do our morning routine - in the blink of an eye I have been known to hit the floor and that would be a tough way to begin the day.

A few years ago I started dressing in the closet, sitting on the floor. This is safer and makes it easier for Stephen in case he cannot stand right there - safety first at our house!

My wheelchair helps me to do the housework I am still able to do and I enjoy it very much. I think out of all the things I miss doing, I miss housework the most. I know most of you women are gritting your teeth but, you never know how much you will miss something until you can't do it any longer.

Two years ago Stephen bought me a catcher's mask, I use it when I go from wheelchair to couch or chair - or wherever I need to go. Not a fashion statement I would have chosen myself but it is better than losing my front teeth... again. I never walk anywhere alone, if I need to get somewhere my wheelchair cannot take me, I crawl. And believe me, my 42 year old knees have got the permanent scars to prove it - you will never catch ME in shorts!

Most of my trips to the little girls' room are accompanied by my wonderful husband who never seems to get tired of hearing, "Stephen, I need to go to the bathroom!" But for the times when he is not here I use my trusty helmet. I must say I really don't like using it at all. It is ugly, heavy and it gives me just the slightest bit of claustrophobia! But I will continue to use it for the sake of my face and my teeth but I think it will forever be a love/hate thing between me and my "friend."

Cooking has been very tough for me for a very long time and through the years it has only gotten worse. I do not use the stove by myself - you can probably guess why but if you need some help, let's just say a seizure patient with her head in the oven is never a pretty sight. I can no longer use the microwave because, number one: ours is up high and I can't reach from my wheelchair and number two: it is never wise for someone with seizures to handle hot things - hence the reasoning behind the oven use or lack thereof! I also never handle anything sharp, so, anything that needs chopping has to be done by the men in the house. So, it is safe to say, we eat out a lot.

About nine months ago we came to the conclusion that I needed to stop using the flat iron on my hair - again just too dangerous. So, just as he has so many times before, my amazing husband stepped up to the plate and now does my hair for me. This was another one of those things that was hard to let go, we women like to do our hair and primp in the mirror. I am just thankful for the servant heart Stephen has and how the Lord has used it to bless and encourage me over the years. And I must say I think he does a better job with my hair than I did!

Through all of these adjustments, transitions and even losses God has remained faithful. He has showed me time and time again that His grace is sufficient and He will carry me through another day. I have learned something so vital through all the trials. That is, if my days were not so trying, I would not be able to see the goodness and all sufficient power of the Living God.

There is a song that I really like by Ayiesha Woods called, "Days" - the chorus does a better job of expressing what I have been saying and goes like this:

"Don't you wish that every day was an easy day? And there was nothing that you couldn't do. But if every day was an easy day, you'd never be able to say that Jesus brought you through."

Thank you Lord for bringing me through all of the days, both easy, and not so easy.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"This is the day the Lord made, we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Good-Bye Sixth Grade and Hello Summer...

Last Thursday was a great day in our house and if you are a parent you can appreciate what I am about to say - it was the last day of school!!! For Josh it was the last day of sixth grade, he attends a wonderful Christian, Classical school here in Spring and we absolutely love it. The sixth grade is still a part of the Grammar school so next year he we be a part of the Upper School - which is the middle and high school combined. We are in the BIG league now!! I have no idea how the time has gone so quickly and it was a little bitter-sweet for me as a Mom to say good-bye to sixth grade (even though we will not be changing schools or anything) it is the little things that will change. But, life goes on and they must grow up...

I am very excited to see the summer arrive - I think I may be more excited than Josh! It has been a tough year for me and this tired, old mom is ready for a break - so I am thankful to say, no more school until September 7th.

I am looking forward to the lazy days of summer. Sleeping in, a steady stream of boys in my house for 3 months, spending time with my mom while Stephen and Josh are at church camp, playing board games with Josh and watching "I Love Lucy", reading my very favorite book, "To Kill A mockingbird", as I do every summer, taking our family vacation to Branson Mo., no schedules or routines - and did I mention sleeping in?! That might be the best part!

I praise God for this sixth grade year and how He has worked in Josh's life and heart - I know he continues to grow spiritually as well as academically and we are beyond thankful for what the Lord is doing in his young life. Seventh grade will be here before we know it and I give it to the Lord, knowing He is in control of each day - I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds!

But in the meantime, I am going to enjoy this summer and time with my son. God is good to give us every minute and I will treasure them all.

Rejoicing in Hope in the Summertime,
Roxanne

I will Stand

I have learned a valuable lesson over the past few days, well, I guess I should say I have re-learned. This is something that believers learn from day one of becoming a Christ follower - we have an Enemy.

The Bible says, "Be sober, be vigilant; your adversary, the devil, walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour." 1 Peter 5:8

The past few months of physical and emotional tailspin I have been living in have allowed me to forget that because I am a Christian I walk around each day with a target on my back and Satan will always strike where you are the weakest.

He has taken the opportunity, mostly because I have given it to him, to shoot off fiery darts at my weakened state of emotions only to weaken them more. I had forgotten that I am in a daily battle for my spiritual life and Satan will stop at nothing to pull me under the tide of doubt and hopelessness.

Over the past few days the Lord has taken me by the shoulders and reminded me of who I am. I am a Child of the King, a Daughter of the Most High God and Satan is a defeated foe - he has no power over me simply because the God of the Universe resides inside my heart and life. Hallelujah!! I needed to hear that so badly and maybe you do too. I needed for God to remind of who I am in Him and that I can and will stand firm in His power - no matter how high the water or how deep the valley!

I have been focused on the Armor of God found in Eph. 6 - my Sunday school class has been studying this passage for the last few weeks and God has really used it to open my eyes about who I am fighting each day.

"Finally, my brethren be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Eph. 6:10-12

So, please learn from me, if you are going through a trial or even if life is being good to you, put on the whole armor of God and fight. Stand firm on the promises of the Lord. Remember, as I have had to, that you do indeed have an enemy but God has not left you powerless. All the power you need is in Jesus. Cling to Him, stay in His Word, allow Him to teach you and stretch your faith - even through those tough times, after all, that's how we most see the power of God demonstrated anyway.

I would like to thank my special circle of friends that I called on to stand with me in prayer, Heather, Melissa, Keri, Casey and Cathleen. You are precious friends and I thank you for lifting me up in prayer when I needed you the most. And my mother, who I love so much, thanks for always listening to me and praying for me - you are a blessing.

As far as my home, "the pit" goes, I am overjoyed to say it was only temporary! The Lord has pulled me from that awful place - I have some dirt under my fingernails from clawing around in there but I am looking into the Face of my Father knowing that He has rescued me once again!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not, they are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!" Lam. 3:21-24

The Days of Old

God is so good - that seems so simple and obvious to say and yet as believers we all say it. God is of course so good and has moved through our lives in countless ways - sometimes all we can come up with in our very limited way of thinking and speaking is, "God is good."

I have been almost living in the Book of Psalms lately. Those of you who know me, know that it is one of my very favorites and it is also a balm to my soul - to all of our souls. The words wash over me as if they have been taken from my own life - I love how the Lord knew I would need that, how we all would need that.

The past few weeks He has used Psalm 77 to wash over my soul time and time again and so today I thought I would share it with you (parts of it anyway) - I pray that you are encouraged and filled with the hope the only God can give as you go through your day, your mountaintop, your valley or wherever God may have you.

Psalm 77

I cried out to God with my voice - to God with my voice; in the day of my trouble I sought the Lord; my hand was stretched out in the night without ceasing; my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God and was troubled; I complained and was overwhelmed.. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night; I meditate within my heart and my soul makes diligent search...

And I said, "This is my anguish; but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work and talk of all Your deeds."

I have been prompted by the Lord to go back over my life and meditate on how He has worked and all the times He has been there and touched my life as only God can do - and remember that yes, he is very good. I have been doing this for some time now but this time I wanted to include it in the blog and maybe encourage you to look in your own life and thank Him for all those times when He has been so faithful...

So, Lord I thank you for walking with me every step of the way even when I didn't know you were there...

When Mama carried me so long ago and there were problems no one could have ever dreamed of ... You were there working.

When I knelt beside my bed in 1982 and gave my heart and life to you... You took my heart and have held it so tightly each day since then.

For allowing me to meet Stephen in High school and ordain our love and relationship at such an early age... God you have worked through Stephen in so many ways to teach me, grow me and lead me closer to you.

For allowing me 7 seizure free years in the beginning of our marriage... Lord how awesome you are to allow me that time.

For August 26th, 1996 when we found out we were going to have a baby... what a precious gift from You Lord, the gift of Motherhood is always so sweet but for a person with such severe disabilities, I am still overwhelmed.

For walking through a hard but rewarding pregnancy with me Lord, every week of getting my blood levels checked, not knowing how long my veins would last and the peace that You provided through it all - God You are faithful.

May 2, 1997 - our Joshua entered this world and You led me through it every step of the way, never taking Your hand from me.

Lord, I praise You and thank you for each time that I have fallen during a seizure - too many to count, my face bruised beyond recognition and my teeth knocked out 3 different times, countless stitches and trips to the ER - through it all I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way and You have used these horrible times to draw me unto Yourself.

Lord I praise You when you have wrapped Your hands around my heart when friends may be talking on one side of the room and I can't get up to join them - You are always so wonderful to remind me that this is not the most important thing, and you comfort my heart in the process.

The joy of our first home... You were there to remind me that all praise goes to you.

The fun, love and memories of our family vacations - Your mighty hand has led and guided us through each one and reminded me that it is only by your grace.

The fact that I have have had 2-3 seizures as I have typed this and yet the Lord has helped me through it... I am overwhelmed at the goodness of God - thank you Lord for helping me finish what is so important to me and what I hope brings You glory.

I could really go on and on, these are just some of the amazing things God has done in my life that have allowed me to say... "God is good". It is a joy to focus on those days of old and think about all the ways He has worked and all the things He has yet to do. So, as I come to a close, what about you? How will you "remember the wonders of old" that only God can do?

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"We give thanks to You, O, God, we give thanks! For Your wondrous works declare that Your name is near." Psalm 75:1

The Pit

I have had a new home for the past few months. I haven't liked it very much, not my style at all. It has been cold, unpleasant, uncomfortable and very lonely. It hit me the other day that I have been spending too much time in, we'll call it "The Pit" - over the past few months due to the especially deep valley I find myself these days.

Disability and depression go hand in hand - it is very easy to get down over the difficult situation you are dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I have dealt with this some but not much. Well, that is where I find myself these days, knee deep in the muck and mire of just trying to deal with it all. Never in my 42 years have I had so many medical things thrown at me at one time as I have over the past 2 years - it has been relentless.

My emotions are worn to a frazzle, they have been ripped from me so many times only to be patched back into place with Elmer's glue. It has been a rough road and right now I just don't know if I am coming or going.Over the past few weeks I have seen myself sliding deeper into this pit as if there was no way to stop it - my emotions have been all over the place, crying over anything and everything and let's face it if you're a woman reading this, you've been there!

I have not been in a place like this in quite some time - not since I surrendered to my wheelchair 4 years ago. And I don't like it, I haven't felt this alone in a very long time. Now, I know I am surrounded by a family who loves me and stands by me and by my God who loves me more than I will ever know and has promised to never leave or forsake me - but sometimes when you are fighting a battle day in and day out, it is easy to feel like you are the only one on the front line.

That is where I have been for about two months, but I am happy to say I am slowly (very slowly) coming through to the other side. I have felt the presence of the Lord in a powerful way these past days and He has again reminded me that when I can't get to Him, He will come to me. And He has, over and over. I wish I could say that I was feeling like my old self but the truth is I'm just not there yet.

Through all of this I am thankful for I know God has a plan and purpose that I cannot even perceive and He is faithful even when I am faithless. So for now I will continue to rest in Him and allow Him to teach me what I need to learn from all of this as well as stretch and grow my faith - that is my number one goal anyway so if this is the vehicle the Lord chooses to use to achieve that, then so be it.

Right now, I am looking up from the bottom of this pit and I can see a tiny stream of light coming in along with the Arms of my Father reaching down to pick me up - thank you Lord.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me. And heard my cry; He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay. And set my feet upon a rock; and established my steps. He has put a new song in my mouth, Praise to our God; many will see it and fear, and will trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3

Thirteen

Yesterday was a big day in the Broussard house, our only child, Joshua, turned 13! We can hardly believe how the years have flown by.

Diapers, bottles, bouncy seats, ear infections, teething, Veggie Tales, Bible Man, "blankies", first steps, Kindergarten, friends, birthday parties, sleepovers, Christmases, first cell phone, growth spurts, "peach fuzz" on the lip and all the countless other things that have been packaged into the last thirteen years. So many memories...

And yet all I am able to do is think of how it all began. Stephen and I and were so unsure about getting pregnant with all my health issues, we were thinking of adopting for a long time but it just never seemed like the way God wanted us to go.

I was at Precept Bible study one Thursday morning and our teacher,Betty Miller, a wonderful woman of God who has gone Home to be with the Lord, began to talk about a recent trip to the doctor with her three year old son, Luke. She described a man with a hook for an arm who came into the office and Luke went right up to the man and asked if he had ever asked Jesus to heal him. Well, I'm sure the rest of the story was just as great but at that point I stopped listening only to hear the Lord speak to my heart and say, "Roxanne, have you ever asked Me to give you a healthy baby and a safe pregnancy?" Well, in all honesty, no I hadn't.

My life and heart were changed that day, I knew that God had spoken and I was to be obedient. After talking with Stephen and much prayer and seeking the Lord, we began to try to conceive.

August 26th, 1996 we found out we were going to have a precious life and we were both so excited we hardly knew what to do with ourselves! My doctor visit a few days later was great, we were blessed to find out the baby was due in early May.

At one of our earlier exams my doctor said some very shocking words to us, "If things don't look right to us, due to your medical problems, we can help you with that if you don't want to go any further." We couldn't even believe the suggestion was brought up! "Doctor, this is our baby and whatever the outcome, he/she is a gift from God. We will love this baby no matter what." It was never mentioned again.

On May 2nd, 1997 Joshua Aaron Broussard came into this world and our lives have never been the same since. He is truly our miracle and we are blessed every day to have him. We have no idea what to expect from the teenage years, we just give them and our Josh to the Lord each day and pray that God will continue to work in his heart just as He has for the first twelve.

I am so thankful that I obeyed the Lord so long ago, the blessings have been countless. Joshua is a miracle to us for sure, when I stop to think of the severity of my disabilities and the likelihood of pregnancy and a healthy child it makes me cry every time - only the God of the Universe can do such miraculous things. Joshua will be our only child but we are honored to have him - he has blessed our lives more than he will ever know. I will forever praise my God for allowing me the honor and joy of experiencing Motherhood - it has been such a thrill and it can only get better!!

Happy Birthday Josh - I love you!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Longings...

For several weeks now my mind and heart have been filled with memories and thoughts of my childhood. I am sure my thinking has been steered this way due to the struggle we are having with Maw-Maw and so for days now I have found myself in a "different place."

I have always been very blessed to be close to both sets of my Grandparents, they are very different and I guess that is what makes the memories so wonderful and fun. I had two very unique experiences growing up, on the one hand I had the Italian experience complete with big family and great food and on the other I had the country experience complete with "down home" living and tender hearted people.

My mind has recently drifted back to those days when I would visit the little white frame house of my Grandma and Grandpa Kilgore and the wonderful smell of Downy would be the first thing to meet you at the door - my Grandma Kilgore is the only one I know who could do 15 loads of laundry in a day and still have time to go fishing. I can remember the days lazy of summer on their farm in Apple Springs Texas and we would all pile up in the back of my Grandpa's red Ford truck to go pick tomatoes and beans from the garden that was his pride and joy. The little bottle Cokes that we took with us would drip ice cold all the way there and what a thrill it was to dab that freezing bottle all over our hot, hot faces. We would end those sweltering days by eating ice cream on the front porch and waiting for the stars to blanket us at night - my grandma would always wish upon a star. Oh, how I long for those days again... and I sure miss my Grandma and Grandpa.

My memories are different but just as wonderful and special at my Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw Sedita's house. This time, standing at her front door, the first thing to greet you is the smell of pasta gravy. How many times I stood at that door just knowing it wouldn't be too much longer before we could eat some of that wonderful food - nobody cooks like Maw-Maw. And eat, we did, every Sunday when I was growing up, we all went over for our Sunday meal, a houseful of us, talking loud and eating, like Italians do. My cousin Gina and I loved to watch the Miss America Pageant with Maw-Maw - it was an annual event at her house and we would stay up late, laugh and eat chips and onion dip. Oh, how I long for those days... and I sure will miss my Maw-Maw when its time for her to go.

These have been the longings of my heart lately - just lost in the memories I guess. All of these longings led me to another great longing that - believe it or not - outweighs all of these. My desire to set my feet on the streets of Heaven and look into the eyes of my Savior.

My heart skips a beat each time I think of the day when I will be able to walk - no wheelchair in sight - alongside of the One who gave it all for me to live. The thought is overwhelming, to fall at the feet of Jesus and worship - is there anything that compares? To raise my voice, along with every angel in Heaven, in praise and adoration of King Jesus - I can hardly type the words!

Then just as icing on the cake, Jesus will say, "You are healed, you have no need for that wheelchair here. And seizures, they do not exist." Praise God - I can't wait for the day! How about you?

The thought of Heaven is the deepest longing of my heart and I praise God that one day I will not only stand before my God but I will be able to sit down with all my precious Grandparents again and talk about all those special memories that I have hidden in my heart for so long. Just makes me smile thinking of the day...

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

The God of Do-Overs

If you have been reading my blog for long, you know that the past several months have been difficult ones for me. One health crisis after another, one seizure after another - it all equals a very weary woman with a heavy heart.

Another issue that I have left out is my sweet Maw-Maw, she is 92, suffers from tongue and jaw cancer and is going down hill very quickly. My heart is broken over the thought of losing her, I know she has lived a full life and loves the Lord but, she is my very last grandparent and it has been hard.

This past weekend we had a big scare with her and are now having to make some hard decisions - life just never seems to get easier. It was a hard weekend on many levels and I came home overwhelmed, upset and angry. On Sunday evening I was beginning to feel a deep caesium between myself and the Lord.

I am sharing these things because I want to be completely honest about my walk with my God- it is not perfect, not even close. I am always learning and praying for the Lord to keep removing the "warts" of this world from my heart.

Monday morning I found it hard to pray and I stayed away from my time in the Word, a time that I treasure each day and I encourage everyone to give daily Bible time to God. But I just could not focus on the things of God, my focus was only inward at this time. I was only thinking of the weekend I had just experienced and my body that is worn and weak from over 8 weeks of non stop seizures. Tuesday and Wednesday were about the same, only now I was having that agonizing emptiness from missing my Best Friend for three days. If you have ever been there, you know what I mean.

Today I got up and prayed, prayed hard. I told the Lord that I thought I needed a do-over for the week. Just to start over with a clean heart that has not been hard or sinful towards my Lord. And God, being God, reminded me that He was in the business of do-overs.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Praise God!! I am so thankful to know the God of do-overs as my Lord and Savior. I certainly did not deserve forgiveness but how blessed I am that God does not have human thinking.

My heart feels whole again and I feel close to the Lord - no more deep void between us, that I created, by the way. I am still heart broken over my grandma and I am certainly still having too many seizures to count but now I am in right relationship with the One Who can give me the peace and strength to face it all. The grace and love of God amazes me and I am so unworthy - thank you Lord.

I don't know where you are today, maybe you are walking strongly with your God and I pray that is the case. But maybe you are like I was at the beginning of this week and you just need a do-over. Let me encourage you that you are never so far from God that He cannot reach down and pull you up. I pray you will ask Him for a holy do-over and I know I will continue to praise Him for mine.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

He Paid it ALL...

I have been reflecting this week on the death and Resurrection of Christ. I have been blessed to dig into the Gospel accounts of this amazing time. It still grabs my heart, even after being a Born Again believer for 27 years now - it makes me stop and bow my heart and life before the Lord and thank Him once again for giving His life so that I could live in eternity with Him. Who am I to deserve such riches? I am a sinner who is unworthy in every way. I am overwhelmed by the love that my Savior has for us all.

Just stop a minute and think of the person who means the most to you in this life, even if this is the most precious, amazing creature on this planet, would he/she die a brutal, horrific death so that you could live? Only God can do such a miraculous thing and I am more than thankful He did! There is nothing like the love and grace of Jesus and as my Pastor put it last week, it was kind of like a "holy swap" - the way Jesus laid His life down so that we all could live in Him.

So, this Easter Sunday as we all go to the House of the Lord to celebrate our wonderful Savior, meditate on what He has done for you and praise Him just a little louder, for He is most worthy!

If you are still wondering about this Jesus and if the Christian walk is worth it - let me tell you most assuredly, it will be the greatest decision you have ever made. It is also the easiest thing to do - just like learning you ABC's.

A: Admit that you are a sinner. "There is no one righteous, not even one... for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3: 10, 23
Ask God's Forgiveness. "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:13

B: Believe in Jesus. Put your trust in Him as your only hope for Salvation. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Become a child of God by receiving Christ. "To all who receive Him, to those who believe in His name, He gave the right to be called the children of God." John 1:12

C: Confess that Jesus is your Lord. "If you confess with your mouth, that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

I pray that you have a most blessed Easter and remember that He is Risen, indeed!!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

A Year in the Life

Yesterday I celebrated an Anniversary. One year of using my wheelchair full time, it has been a year of learning, growth and grace. It has not been the easiest thing for me but it has been one more thing that has shown me more of Jesus - and more of who I am because of Him.

Last year on March 25th I mourned the loss of mobility and wept almost the entire day. I stayed in God's Word and allowed Him to console my wounded heart. He gave me 2 Scriptures that soothed my soul and allowed me to feel His presence and power all day.

"...weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

Such truth in this verse, I did weep, for what felt like an eternity. But God, so true to His Word has allowed me to experience such joy, even in the midst of suffering. Only God can do that and I am so thankful. The joy I have now is something I can't really define - it is just a God thing all the way around. There is just nothing quite like knowing that God, my Creator, my King is using my life to glorify Him. It is easy for me to rejoice because I know that God is working in me an exceeding and eternal weight of glory and giving me His perspective on the hard things of life - what a blessing and I never take it lightly, I am always overwhelmed by it. Last year I cried, I cried out to my God and He responded by giving me Psalm 30:5 - I wrote the verse on a tissue used that day for drying my tears and it now resides in my Bible. Every time I see the tissue, I think back on that day and remember the faithfulness of God and that joy now DOES indeed come each morning.

Last March 25th my heart was aching with an intense hurt that comes with loss, a chapter that is closing and the very end of the way things have always been. That day I was preparing to go to Wednesday night services at church and I was dreading that first time in public in my chair. God led me to Deuteronomy 31:8 -

"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you. He will not leave you or forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."

What an awesome concept - the Lord Himself would go before me, wherever that wheelchair would take me in life my Lord was going first. I am so thankful for this truth and I have hidden this in my heart and drawn from it every time I leave the house - I know that God is walking in front of me preparing the way.

It is still a bitter pill for me to swallow, being in this wheelchair day after day and sometimes I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror or in a window and I can hardly believe it is me. The person in the reflection looks weak and vulnerable in every way and this is not the way I want to think of myself. But then I must stop and reevaluate my heart. God has allowed me to be where I am for a reason and the weak and vulnerable are just who He came to save. I remind myself that God uses my weakness and He is made perfect within it - AMEN! I am so unworthy to be used in such a way but I am so delighted and honored that God has allowed me to experience the unique "dance" of suffering and joy.

So, with a year gone by, I will keep trusting the Lord to remind me of how faithful He is and the next time I catch myself in the mirror, I will smile.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

He is Enough

I have been clinging hard and fast to Psalm 73:26 for the past several months.

"My flesh and heart fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I am always amazed at the Word of God - it gives you just the right verse for wherever you are in life. For the last few months I have been in a weary place, both mentally and physically. I have not had a seizure free day in 4 weeks and I am drained. My new seizure medication is going well - so far I have not had any adverse reactions and we are beyond thankful. It will be many months before we see a difference seizure wise but for now I am tolerating it. The more time that goes on without any seizure breaks the more exhausted I become - the days have been tough.

But in the midst of seizures and limitations the Lord has once again brought me to His feet and reminded me that, indeed, He is enough. No matter how long and hard the storm rages around me, He is my Shelter, my Keeper, my Refuge and my Strong Tower - He IS enough. I will hold onto that truth each day and when I feel like it is just all too much I will hold tighter.

So many of us journey through the valleys and deep waters of life - we are hurting, numb, and would even sometimes love to give up hope. Please let me encourage you that I know those feelings all too well and when they rush over you like cold water, pray. Pray as you never have before that the God of the Universe would give you strength for one more day, one more hurt. He is able and will make a way - allow Him to be the Comforter and Anchor of your soul and through it all you will be amazed where He takes you and what He reveals to you about yourself and most of all about walking with Him.

This is my plan for the days to come and for the rest of my life - to hold onto Jesus with everything I have, knowing that He is holding me too. I will also run to God's Word daily and let it bathe me in truth. The following verses are some of my favorites, the Lord uses them time and time again to reveal truth and remind me of what is really important, as you read them I pray that the Lord will speak to you as well.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Rejoicing in Much Hope,
Roxanne

Rest in Peace Layla Grace...

Layla Grace Marsh, the precious little girl who has been fighting Stage 4 Neuroblastoma, went home to be with the Lord early this morning.

I am broken hearted for this wonderful family and I will continue to lift them before the Father - I will ask you to do the same. Our God is mighty and I am trusting Him alone to carry them through the days and months to come, providing them with the grace, strength and comfort that only He can give.

Rest well, sweet Layla, you have fought the good fight and now you are forever healed, in the arms of The Great I Am.

Heart broken but still Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body." Philippians 3:20-21

Good News and Being Held...

My visit to the rheumatologist yesterday morning went well and the news was good. I do not have RA, Lupus or Scleraderma. Praise God - we are so thankful! I do however have a very, very low Vitamin D level - the normal range is 70-100 and mine is 29. The doctor put me on a very high dose of Vitamin D and hopefully the problem will be corrected from that. Thank the Lord for answered prayer!

These last few weeks have been most difficult for me and I have not had a seizure free day in weeks so I am drained - emotionally and physically. God has been my anchor and the refuge of my soul. I have been very still and known that He is God in these few weeks - sometimes it takes huge events to make us slow down and remember that God is in control. I welcome these times, difficult as they may be, because they remind me Who I am trusting and why.

Please pray for me in the coming weeks as I have started a new seizure medication, in addition to the one I currently take. I never really like starting a new medication because I have such severe reactions to almost every medication I have ever taken. I am praying that I will not react badly to this one, giving it a chance to work. Again, I am being very still at the feet of my Jesus, knowing that He is God.

Today this will be short because I am not feeling that well but I just want us all to remember, especially if you are journeying with me in hardship and trials - God knows your name and loves you so very much. Allow Him to hold you today in whatever valley you find yourself.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken." Psalm 62:1-2

Layla Grace

My heart is heavy and burdened for a precious family here in Houston. They are watching their 2 year old daughter die. Her name is Layla Grace and she is battling Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. I found out about Layla Grace from FaceBook and have been following her for a while now.

This is a family of Christians who love the Lord and who are holding on to Him with everything they have. I have been inspired, blessed and encouraged by their hope - but mostly I have been saddened by the fact that they will lose this little angel in a matter of days. I cannot even begin to imagine their pain - Lord have mercy.

Please pray for the sweet Marsh family who is in such pain right now and will be in even more in the days to come. I am so thankful that they know the Lord and will not grieve in vain - they know that Layla will soon be in the arms of King Jesus. She will be completely healed and able to stand before her God with praise, knowing she fought the good fight.

If you want to know more about them please go to http://laylagrace.org/ and in the meantime, drop to your knees and pray.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will dwell in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

It is well...

For those of you who read my last post, you know that I am having a tough time dealing with all of the life issues that keep coming my way. You also know that I am waiting on some tests results and I am just plain battle weary from life right now.

The Lord has spoken to me in a pretty powerful way over the past few days and I thought I would share with you - especially those of you who join me in battle weariness and life fatigue.

During my time of Worship this past Sunday I heard the Lord speak very clearly to my heart. "So what will change if it turns out to be Lupus or something else?" This went straight to my soul and I had to ask myself, "What WOULD change?" I will still love, serve and worship King Jesus - I will do my best to glorify Him with my life and bow before Him each day.

The thing that matters most to me - my relationship with the Lord, will not change, if anything I will grow more dependant on Him - and I already know how awesome that is! One of my favorites authors, Jennifer Rothschild has said this,

"It may not be well with my circumstances but, it is well with my soul."

So, I am reminded once again that even in the hardest of times my soul can be calm and rejoice in the fact that my God is holding me so close that I can almost feel the touch of His hand. I am still a little weary from all of the difficulties that disability brings - especially now when things are a little more tough. But mostly I am thankful that God continues to provide me with just what I need - never giving up on telling me how much I need Him. And believe me, if I were Him, I would have given up on ME long ago.

I know my prayer should be that all of these test results come back negative, but, it is not. My prayer is that no matter what happens on March 4th - good, bad or otherwise - that I would learn more about my Savior and come to need Him desperately. That having a God perspective would matter more to me than good test results, seizure free days or walking.

Please do not misunderstand, this is hard and I am not a big fan of any of it, but if it draws me closer to my Jesus, then so be it. God is faithful and I know He is journeying with me. Thank you, my sweet friends that faithfully read, for bringing me before the Father - you will never know this side of Heaven how humbled and honored I am that you take time to pray for me.

So blessed today that it IS well with my soul and praying that is is well with yours!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Battle Weary...

Yesterday I went to see my third rheumatologist to get the bottom of all the pain I am having throughout my body. It was a good visit, we liked the doctor very much. She asked me lots of questions including, "Have you ever been tested for Lupus?" I haven't and she was somewhat concerned it could be that, RA or Schleroderma. We did blood work - 11 tubes of blood, and I will get the results back on March 4th, it takes 2 weeks for the Lupus testing.

I left the appointment feeling a little overwhelmed and in all honesty I was asking this of my God.

"Lord, something else? Isn't it already enough?"

So, as I write this today I must say that I am going through what I like to call "Life Fatigue" - you know what I mean, we all have these times when life just becomes too much. For me, I am tired, worn and just plain ready to be done with this roller coaster ride I have been on for 42 years. My body aches from so much pain and my head is spinning from all the new medications I have started in the last month. Since the middle of January I also found out my Thyroid is low - new pill for that, my Progesterone level is low - new pill for that and my Vitamin D level is very low - 2 new pills for that. And of course, we top it all off with an endless supply of seizures and the medication that goes with that!

I felt that I needed to be very honest with all of my wonderful readers today and let you all know that I am having a tough time. I am human and right now my heart is heavy and, like the title says - I am battle weary.

God has been so good to speak to me over the past few hours and remind me once again that He is God and I am not - am I the only one who forgets that from time to time? I have heard Him say to me several times in the last few hours -

"I will not leave you or forsake you. I am your God and I will go before you, My grace is sufficient."

I am always thankful when the Lord speaks to me. He reminds me of who He is and who I am in Him. I can and will rejoice in the hope that I have in the Lord - even when it is tough to do so.

So, for the next 2 weeks I will wait... and pray. I will rest in my Jesus, who holds my very overwhelmed heart in His mighty Hand. I will also trust that the outcome of all of this will draw me closer to Him and bring Him glory. And lastly, I will be still and know that He is God.

Thank you all for waiting and praying with me.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Never the Same

Over the years I have had lots of questions about my first seizure. When was it? How old was I? Where was I? So, today I have decided to share the experience that has changed me forever...

On July 21, 1985 my life was altered in a matter of minutes. The day started out like any other, it was a Sunday and I was getting ready for church. Stephen and I had been dating all of 6 months - we were so young, 17 and about to be Seniors in High School. We had been visiting my aunt's church and that is where we were on this particular morning.

I had on my new blue and grey checked dress and was looking particularly cute, if I do say so myself. Stephen and I were attending the Youth service in this church and in a matter of seconds I began to feel something I had never felt before, but, would come to experience many, many times in my life.

My left hand began to tingle with very sharp intensity. And I started hearing the voices around me sound like they were miles off. I fell over onto Stephen's lap and before we knew it I was unconscious and seizing. That is all I remember but, later I was told I had a grand mal seizure - whatever that meant...

My memories from this day are choppy and unclear. The next thing I remember is Stephen and someone from the church driving me home. Stephen had already called my parents who were going to spend the day with my aunt and uncle on Lake Conroe. Stephen was able to reach them just before they left - God was working even when we didn't know it.

My mother came running out to the car with a look of panic and fear that I have never seen (even to this day) on her face. I can still see her wearing a white house dress with red piping around the edges. "What happened? What happened?" were the only things she and Daddy could manage to say. Before I knew it we were on the way to Texas Children's Hospital and there I would stay for the next 11 days. I had every test you can imagine to try to determine the cause of the seizure and what was going on with me.

Terrified did not even begin to describe the way I felt - the way we all felt. I had no idea what had just happened to me and I sure did not want it to ever happen again. I had never seen a seizure in my life and knew nothing about this very foreign word that was being thrown around for the next 11 days.

Epilepsy.

We knew very little at this time but the doctors had decided that the seizure was probably caused due to the brain condition I was born with. All I knew was I spent every minute trying to forget the whole thing - I didn't want to talk about it, I just wanted to focus on anything but seizures. I was very quickly put on a seizure medication to prevent further episodes - as we all know now that did not work and has been an uphill battle for going on 25 years. But at the time, we were just learning.

We learned a lot about seizures those two weeks in the hospital. The one I had was a tonic clonic or grand mal seizure - these are the big seizures where you loose consciousness and your body becomes very stiff and rigid with lots of shaking and jerking. I have had many hundreds of these types of seizures to date and they are still the scariest.

My life has never been the same...

Yes, seizures and physical challenges have been the brunt of the changes in my life over the past almost 25 years. Medications - too many to count, reactions from those same medications, injuries, hospital stays, limitations, and finally the wheelchair. But there is another reason - the main reason that I have never been the same. It is my God who has walked with me and carried me through all the hurt, pain and loss.

The disabilities I struggle with every day have driven me to the Cross of Christ more times than I can count and for this I am eternally grateful. My Jesus has been my Rock, fortress, refuge and strength through it all. I could have never survived one day without Him.

It has taken me a long, long time to be able to say this but I am so thankful for that day in July so many years ago. I would not trade it or give it back or even try to pray it away. God has used all of the tough times to draw me unto Him, to reveal more of Himself to me and to make me more like Him - I still have a long way to go on that last one but, I am, at least on my way.

One of my very favorite people and heroes in the faith, Joni Eareckson Tada, has said, "God allows what He hates to achieve what He loves." I believe that is one the most most profound and true statements that I have ever heard. God allows suffering to show more of who He is and draw us closer to Him. It is a tough concept, I know. But I know from 42 years of physical hardship and leaning on the God of the Universe - it is true.

And through of all of this, I am so thankful to never be the same - I am forever blessed!


Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

"I will praise You, O Lord with my whole heart; I will tell of Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." Psalm 9:1-2

Hope is a good thing...

Hope is one of those words you hear all the time, it has become so commonplace in our day.

I hope you have a good day...

We are hoping against hope...

I hope you feel better soon...

It is almost as if we are using the word hope as our very own wishing well. Just sort of throwing it out there like throwing pennies into a fountain. And if we say it enough - we just might get our wish... or hope as it were.

As a believer in the Lord Jesus, I am so very thankful to know that my hope is not some wish made on a prayer or something that is impersonal and cold. My hope (and yours too, if you know the Lord) is not a thing at all. Our hope is a Person - the person of Jesus.

He is real, tangible, living and wants us to know more than anything that He alone is our HOPE.

I know for me, especially on weeks like this one when I have been sick, had more seizures than I can count and been in great amounts of pain from arthritis, for me to be able to reach out and call on my Savior who died for me so that I could have hope - it is the greatest comfort.

This week 3 precious friends of mine have lost loved ones and it has been very tough on them and their families. Death is always so hard and so final. I am praying for these sweet friends and trusting the Lord to heal their broken hearts. But in all of the grief I know that there is much HOPE. Hope that they will see their beloved one again and hope that they are now resting in the arms of the One who loves them more than they will ever know. They are holding on to the fact that hope is indeed a good thing...

One of my favorite quotes is from the movie, The Shawshank Redemption...

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies, so get busy living or get busy dying."

As a person with disabilities this speaks volumes to me. First, it says that my hope, my faith, my trust, my belief needs to be sure and steady. And not in myself, my wheelchair, my doctor or even my sweet husband that I love so much - my hope must be eternal, everlasting and unshakable. My hope must be in Christ alone.

Second, it reminds me that hope is precious, a good thing. That the Lord has given to His children to remind them we always have Him to hold on to - the best of things.

Webster's defines hope as: to wish for something with expectation to its fulfillment, to have confidence, trust.

God's Word tells us:

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1 As Christ followers, we can be sure of the hope we have in Him with our hearts and not so much with our eyes.

And finally, this quote reminds me that life is so short - something that my sweet friends who have met death face to face this week, know all too well. For me it tells me that I have a choice each day, I can sit and wollow over the things that I cannot do any longer or are far too difficult for me these days or I can rejoice in my God the all sufficient grace that He pours down on me each day - in other words I can get busy living. Although it has taken me a while to get to this place, I choose to do just that - LIVE!

We all have so much to give, no matter where our journey in life takes us or the hills and valleys we encounter along the way. I know for me I want to rejoice in the hope of the Lord and allow God to use me in any way He sees fit. And that, my precious friends, is what He wants for you as well. So today, I encourage you to remember that hope is a good, good thing and let us all get busy living!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Changes on the way...

For those of you who are regular readers of my blog, you may be wondering why I keep changing the background. Well, it is very simple - I can't make up my mind on what I want. I usually make decisions very quickly and easily but as far as this blog goes - not so much!!

This latest background I do like better than the old but it is still not me. I have looked at all the blog background sites and just cannot make up my mind - although I am close!

Bear with me and in the meantime, I hope you like this newest background a little better - if not, more change is coming, I promise!!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

A Servant's Heart

I have not said that much about my wonderful husband since I started this blog so, I thought today would be a great day to talk about my Stephen.

He is my best friend, soul mate and my very own Prince Charming. It seems like we have been together forever and the more I know about this incredible man, the more I love him.

Over the years, he has had to step into some roles that we never would have anticipated. It has become harder and harder for me to do the things I did so long ago and he has had to come and take my place in those things.

He does all of the washing, the dishes and driving for our family - just to name a few. I have never heard that man complain in 20 years. He absolutely amazes me on a minute by minute basis. His ability to serve our family in such a Christ focused way, even on the days I know he is just about out of steam, always brings me to my knees. And I always think to myself, "Would I be able to do this like him if the tables were turned?" I just don't know, I would like to think so, but the truth is I just don't know...

He has allowed the God that he loves so much to strengthen him every day to that he can serve his family with his whole heart. And I know it has not been easy, to say the least.

For almost the last year he has not only ran his own business but he has had to take on a second job as our family (like many others) has been dealing with financial upheaval in ways we thought were long behind us. I have seen him, over this time, look almost dead on his feet. My heart breaks because I am so limited in ways to help him. But we remain strong in the Lord, knowing He alone will provide for us in all things.

Through it all Stephen always has a smile on his face and is ready to help anyone and everyone who is in need - never thinking of himself.

One of the areas that is difficult for me is having to use the "little girls" room in the middle of the night. I have to have help and of course cannot go alone so, I must wake up my sleeping husband, who may have only been in bed a short while himself. It tares at my heart to do this but, going to the bathroom is just one of those things that will not change - it is true, when you have to go, you have to go.
Every time we have to have this "outing" in the middle of the night, I am greeted with the same words. "It's all right, honey. Whatever you need, I am glad to help you in any way I can." Quite a guy, my husband and one day I would love to be more like him.

I think we can all learn from Stephen in the area of service - I know I have a long way to go but, I am learning. God's Word is very clear on the subject...

"Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4

I know it will be my great joy to try and emulate my precious husband as he lives out God's Word in serving each day. I pray as we all go through our lives we will strive to be others centered.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

**** A Special Thank You**** I am so very blessed and thankful for all of my readers. Some of you I know as wonderful friends and I love you and thank you for your support of this new area of ministry in which God is leading me. Those of you whom I do not know, I have to say you are also such a treasure to me. Thank you for the sweet comments - I read them all and love them! Thanks for blessing me in untold ways.

Wonderful Day...

Yesterday I spoke at our church's MOMS group. What an incredible group of women of all ages - I was truly amazed.
The first speaker was one of the Titus Moms who spoke on the book the group is currently reading, she was VERY good and I was quite intimidated to follow her! A few minutes after she spoke, it was my turn and I think I did fine. I know one thing for certain though, these precious women blessed me far more than I could have blessed them and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share what the Lord has done and is still doing in my life. It really is overwhelming to me that anyone would want to sit to listen to anything I have to say. I am grateful beyond words to the Lord for giving me the words to speak and the calm heart that I needed to speak them. I pray that the ladies were blessed and praise God for the whole experience - to God be the glory!

They all were very gracious, loving and so welcoming - I felt like I had been apart of the group all along! Thank you to my sweet friends Melissa and Michelle for asking me to speak - you are both wonderful women of God and I treasure you both!

On a side note though, I had planned to take a couple of pictures and post them but, as always, I forgot the camera! For someone who loves to scrapbook as much as I do, I sure leave home without the camera more times than not - maybe next time.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

MOMS

Tomorrow is the day!! I will be speaking at our MOMS group in the morning. Please pray for me tomorrow morning as I share. Pray for a calm heart, right words and most of all that the ladies there would not even notice me but would only see and hear the work and power of the Lord.

Thanks to all of my precious readers for praying and supporting me in this new area of ministry. I have no idea where the Lord wants to take me but I am willing to follow...
I will post an update later in the week.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Short and Sweet...

This week I will have only this one short and sweet post. I have been asked to speak at our church's MOMS (Mothers of Many Seasons) group, I will be giving my testimony and speaking on "Knowing the Lord in hard times" so, I will need this week to prepare. I will be speaking next Monday, the 25th.

Please pray for me this week. Ask the Lord to give me wisdom and a calm heart,(I am a bundle of nerves). Also, and most importantly, pray that God will be honored and glorified in all that I say.

The next time I post I will let everyone know how it went... unless it goes awful, in that case I will never speak of it again! Have a blessed week as you walk with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Cry to the Lord

Several years ago I went through a time of depression over the losses in my life and the hardship of being disabled. Times like these come and go and I am happy to say that they do not plague me as often as they used to - praise God.
As I was going through this valley, I began to have a warped view of crying and decided there would be no more tears from me at all. So, this blog post is for all those who think they must be strong at all times and never shed a tear - the Lord taught me so much during this time and I pray He will use this to do the same with you.

So, that was it - no more tears, I just thought I would go through the rest of my life with pain, heartache, losses and disability without ever having any true emotion about it again. For those of you who know me best, this was almost impossible because I have a VERY tender heart and cry over almost everything - something I inherited from my tender-hearted mother and for which I am so thankful.
But back then I was determined to be tough, I thought I had cried enough. This is a journal entry from that time and my thinking on the whole crying thing:

"I feel really awful today and I have continued to have more and more seizures which has not helped anything. I could sit and cry for hours - that is how intense the pain is in my heart today. But, I have decided that I am not going to cry - and I didn't all day. It took everything in me - but no tears. With all the hurt, disease, cancer, people who can't see, hear, have no arms or legs... how dare I sit and cry over my few seizures and loss of mobility. Please Lord, help me through this time and allow me be be strong."

A few days later God had me in the Psalms - I know I have said this before but that is the place to be if you are facing a trial. He began to show me how David and the other Psalmists CRIED, but they had purpose in their crying. They cried out to their Mighty and Loving God.

I learned during this season that God already knows how my heart is aching, He knows every thought I have ever had - He is never surprised at what might come out of my mouth or cross my mind. He just wants me to bring all of that to Him so that He can bring me the peace and comfort that can only come from him. The tears can be healing, IF they are cried out to my Savior, leaning on Him and realizing that I need Him alone to see me through.
If you are in need of a good cry but think you have to stay strong in all things, allow the Word of God to penetrate your heart today:

"But You, O Lord, are a shield for me, My glory and the One who lifts my up head. I cried to the Lord with my voice and He heard me from His holy hill." Psalm 3:3-4

"Hear me when I call O God of my righteousness. You have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer." Psalm 4:1

"Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Give heed to the voice of my cry, my King and my God. For to you I will pray, my voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning I will direct it to You and I will look up." Psalm 5:1-3

"In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears." Psalm 18:6

Those are only a few examples and I don't know about you but it makes me want to jump out of my skin to think that the God of the Universe hears MY voice and it comes straight to His ears. What we say and how we feel matters to God. I pray today if your heart is bleeding and you just can't take the pain anymore, sit and cry with the God who loves you more than you will ever know. God doesn't want us to be tough, he wants to have a relationship with us and to hold us in His loving Hand - allow Him to comfort your soul.

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

Mistakes and Mercy

Saturday I lost my temper with my wonderful husband of 20 years. It was nothing serious, just one of those things that rubbed me the wrong way and before you knew it I had taken on an attitude that was very contrary to the Christ I follow.

I was angry, unpleasant and rude. My heart breaks now just thinking about it - I hate it when I am rude. It does upset me because of the way that I treated the man that I love so much and that I know God has given me as the perfect provision for my life, this is true, but mostly I get upset over times like this because I have offended my God. I have chosen to step out of the Christian skin I wear each day and become ugly - not consulting the Lord on anything, just letting all the wrong words fly out of my mouth.

I tend to carry moments like this with me for a long while, making it even worse and giving Satan the opportunity to work in my mind. Oh yes, he throws all kinds of things at us when we are not looking! He began to try to convince me that I was a horrible wife, and for that matter a horrible person - lies flooded my mind about how my walk with the Lord was completely compromised because of this disagreement with Stephen.If no one has ever told you, let me be the first, our minds are a battlefield!

I am always amazed at the mercy of God - and the timing. In the midst of all my thinking and self loathing God broke through...

Roxanne, I am your Redeemer God and forgiveness is yours. I love you no matter what.

I am overwhelmed at the greatness of God. That He would take time to come down to where I am and remind ME, a sinner for sure, that He loves me and will once again forgive me and close that gap (that I created!) between He and I. Isn't God good?

So, as I write this today I am reminded of how big God is and how small I am. He is bigger than my sin, my attitude and any kind of thinking about myself that I could ever dish up... and He will again choose to forgive, it is almost too much for my little pea sized brain to grasp.

Thankful today for the mercy of Almighty God and praying for you, my sweet readers, that wherever you are in your walk with the Lord, that you will remember that He loves you so much and is ready to forgive whatever gap you might have created.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne

But for a moment

This past week has been a tough one for me. Lots of seizures, including a fall. But most of all it has been the little things, the things that no one else sees or knows about. Just me and God.
Things like not being able to move fast enough, get the things that are just out of my reach or getting stuck in areas with my wheelchair - that is REALLY frustrating!

These are the little issues of life that make me want to get up and move like most everybody else. And this week has been heaps and heaps of tiny things like this that reek havoc on my emotions.
Being a disabled person, I tend to think about Heaven a lot. Not just because I will have a glorified body that works perfectly - although that is a big plus. I also tend to think about what it will be like to see my Jesus face to face, to worship at His feet and sing endless praise songs to Him. What a day that will be!! But until then, I am here dealing with the hardships of life just like everyone else.

When I have days and weeks that almost overwhelm me - like this last week. I am so thankful that I can drag myself, (once again) bloody and bruised to the foot of the Cross. Jesus will again pick me up, clean me off and speak words of life to me that I so need to hear.

I have several Words of Life that comfort and minister to me on my hardest days, I pray they will do the same for you as you struggle or your heart is breaking. Just remember, if you know Jesus, this world we live in is just a pit stop on the way to our Heavenly Home - that thought alone should make us all rejoice a little louder today.

First nugget of truth... Romans 8:18 "For I consider the sufferings of this present time not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us"
I love this verse. It speaks volumes to me. NOTHING that we go through in this life even comes close to the majesty and glory of walking hand in hand with our Savior. Sign me up - I am ready right now!

Next nugget... 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction is but for a moment, which is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."

I also love this verse. God has used it so many times to bring me back to His perspective, reminding me that not only is He working in me for my good and His glory . But also what He is doing may be unseen but it is eternal, never ending and glorious.

Last nugget... James 1:2-4 "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
I know at first glance it sounds crazy to be joyful for the trials in our life but this is a God way of thinking that only He can accomplish. It has taken me many, many years to be joyful in my sufferings - and there are still lots of days that I am not. But I have decided to choose joy because it honors the Lord - and I want to be perfect, lacking nothing. This does not mean perfect as in never making a mistake, it means that I am allowing God to work in and through me daily to make me more like Him. Believe me there is nothing I want more than that!

So, as always it all comes down to Jesus. I am becoming more like Him each day as I learn to struggle with grace and the mind of Christ. Thank you Lord for hard weeks that bring me back to You!

"Only in suffering do we learn to fully delight in God's goodness." - Martin Luther

Rejoicing in Hope,
Roxanne